bullet points and lists of dos and don？ts。 He skimmed the book； heart pounding； taking in only
snatches of phrases like ？Insert your tongue？ and ？Some partners find the use of an elbow helpful？
and ？Remember to brush your teeth。？
Pausing again to make sure that he was alone； Dan skipped ahead to the back of the book； where
the heavier paper stock meant only one thing： photographs。 And there they were； in full…color
glory： two men； performing what at first glance looked like a gymnastic routine。
Dan？s throat suddenly felt very dry。 He slammed the book shut and stuffed it on the very bottom
of his pile。 He？d never needed a cigarette this badly in his life。
Breathe； breathe。
Shaking slightly； Dan inhaled deeply on a beloved Camel and stepped away from the Strand。 He
needed a walk to purge his mind of the mental images of those two thick…necked wrestler types in
unimaginable poses。 Not that he had any kind of problem with gay people； of course。They？re here；
they？re queer； it？s awesome。 But there were some things that people just weren？t meant to do with
their bodies。 Like running。 And yoga。 And 。 。 。 whatever it was you called the thing he had just
seen depicted in that book。
Yoga。 He？d had a brush with that stuff？that was the closest he？d e to contorting his body into
a shape resembling what the guys in the book were doing； and he was not eager to get into that
particular position again anytime soon。 The only reason he？d bothered with yoga in the first place
had been for a girl。 He？d been so crazed over Bree he？d experimented with all kinds of insane
things： yoga； running； organic fruit juice。 Maybe the same thing was happening with Greg？ He？d
never really met anyone who loved books as much as he did。 Maybe he was just getting
everything all mixed up？ Maybe it was just like his dad had said and he was just transferring his
passion for books onto their friendship？
Yup？like quasi…gay father； like quasi…gay son。
Dodging the summer tourist sidewalk traffic； Dan stubbed out his cigarette and stuffed his hands
deep into the pockets of his fraying brown cords。You can？t be gay。 The image of Bree naked and
glistening with sweat in that overheated yoga studio came to him； and suddenly he felt a little out
of breath。 A little dizzy。 What was this sensation？ It felt familiar and alien all at once。 And he felt
something else too？ a boner。 In full daylight； like a little kid。 Looking down at it； he couldn？t help
but smile。 It was the best boner he？d ever had！ The thought of Bree； her bare skin damp with
sweat as she arched her back and planted her palms on the floor； was what sent his heart racing。
He lit another cigarette to celebrate the fact that he had biological evidence to prove that he； Dan
Humphrey； was most certainly not gay。 He had to keep himself from jumping in the air to click his
heels together。
Oh； andthat？s not gay at all。
the ghost of high school past
？Girls！ There are girls here！？ yelled a guy Serena didn？t recognize。 He lurched down the stone
steps from the foyer to the driveway； clutching one of her mother？s antique crystal champagne
flutes。 He raised the glass in salute as she stepped out of the Aston Martin； sloshing champagne all
over the stone steps。
？Dude； that？s my sister。？ Erik van der Woodsen pushed the staggering guy out of his way and
raced toward Serena。 He wore a rumpled blue gingham oxford； top three buttons undone； and
khakis that had started to fray at the cuffs。 His pale blond hair was mussed and his huge blue eyes
were bloodshot； but he was as handsome as ever。 ？Howdy； sis。？
？Got the party started； I see。？ Serena hugged her brother excitedly。 ？In case you forgot； my
birthday？s not till tomorrow。？
？You only turn eighteen once。？ He threw his arms around her and lifted her off her feet
easily。 ？Happy almost birthday。？
？This is for me？？ Serena asked； a smile spreading across her face。 Okay； so it wasn？texactly her
idea of a birthday party； but it was sweet that her brother had remembered。 Even if it was probably
just a convenient excuse for a blowout。
Probably？
Behind her； Blair and Nate shuffled out of the backseat。 Serena had volunteered to drive since
she knew how to get here the best； and Blair couldn？t drive stick； but did they really have to ride
in the backseat togetheragain？ What was she； the chauffeur？
Kind of looks that way。
？What？s up； guys？？ Erik greeted them。
？Hey。？ Nate nodded at Erik。 ？Good call on the party。 I almost forgot that tomorrow？s your
birthday；？ he said； turning to Serena。
Blair slipped her hand into her best friend？s。 ？What？s an appropriate afternoon cocktail； birthday
girl？？
Is there one that？snot appropriate？
The scene by the pool was like something out of a screw…ball college edy。 A gaggle of
obviously drunk guys in board shorts cannonballed into the water； splashing their buddies seated
nearby。 A crowd lingered near the double…height French doors that led to the library？and the
well…stocked bar。 And there were so few girls in evidence？a couple stretched out on chaises near
the diving board and a trio of giggling girls attempting some kind of drinking game？that wherever
they congregated； a drooling group of boys was not far off。 Someone had rigged an iPod to the van
der Woodsens？ stereo system； and the insistent thrum of the new Arctic Monkeys album filled the
air。
？This is finally starting to feel like summer vacation。？ Blair slipped her feet out of her white
leather Prada flip…flops and propped them on the edge of the wrought…iron garden table。 She
swirled the ice in her Bloody Mary distractedly。
？Something like that。？ Serena leaned back in the unfortable chair and scanned the crowd that
had gathered； supposedly； for her birthday celebration。 The guys outnumbered the girls by a ratio
of about ten million to one； and though she recognized some of them？Erik？s old tennis teammates；
his roommate at Brown？she didn？t see many familiar faces in the crowd。 She might be the
birthday girl； but she wondered if anyone even knew who she was。
It？s her party and she？ll pout if she wants to。
？Shit。？ Blair tilted her head back and drained her glass。 ？I guess I was thirsty。You want another？？
Serena shook her head； almost spilling her untouched Cosmopolitan。 ？I？m good。？
？I？ll be right back。？
Serena watched from behind her enameled Selima aviators as Blair launched out of her seat and
padded toward the bar。 Erik was presiding over the bottles of booze lined up like toy soldiers on
the elaborate carved mahogany bar。 Nate was lingering on the fringes of the crowd； his hands
shoved deep in the pockets of his tattered khaki shorts。 Serena watched as he pretended not to see
Blair skipping through the crowd toward him。
Interesting。
She？d woken up this morning to the sound of Blair？s giggles； but when she？d asked what was
funny； Blair had sighed and said； ？Just Natie。？Natie？ Then； in the car； she kept glancing back at
them in the rearview mirror； but every time Blair was just staring placidly out the window； and
Nate was resting his eyes。 Nothing amiss。 So why did she feel so 。。。weird？
She raised her glass and swallowed a small sip of the tart cocktail； finally recognizing someone
in the crowd： a broad…chested； curly…brown…haired guy was seated at the edge of the pool； legs
dangling in the water。 His brown eyes had a familiar sparkle as he took in the scene around him；
drumming his long； tapered fingers on the neck of his beer bottle。 The tiniest suggestion of a grin
played on his full lips； and Serena knew that behind those lips were two rows of brilliant white
teeth。 She could picture his smile； she could practically hear the tremulous sound of his voice as
he whispered the words she？d run away from。 That was the last time she？d seen him； exactly one
year ago。
Henry was the bassist in Hanover？s jazz band。 He was tall and cute with dark curls that fell into
his eyes； and a mischievous smile。 Serena？s dorm room had been right under his； and late at night
she？d throw her textbooks at the ceiling； waiting for him to drop something loud and heavy on the
floor in response。 Sometimes？actually； a lot？they？d hang out on the roof and drink whiskey and
smoke cigars。 They？d been good friends； and then the year had ended and they？d wound up in
Ridgefield together？his family lived there year round； and she summered there。 The night before
her seventeenth birthday she and Henry had stayed up late； drinking and talking； and had wound
up on their backs on the tennis court； waiting for shooting stars； and eventually kissing。 Then；
Henry said it： ？I love you。？ Instead of saying it back； Serena fled into the house； booked a plane to
Paris to join her brother； Erik； in his travels； and never spoke to Henry again。 It wasn？t that she
didn？t like him。 Honestly； she did。 But love was unmistakable； and at that time； there was only one
boy she could ever truly love。Then； and maybe now； too 。 。 。
Serena tipped her glass back and gulped its contents； her hands shaking。Leave it to me to have a
nervous breakdown the night before my eighteenth birthday； she thought。
？Hey。 Remember me？？
Henry？s voice gave her a little start。 ？I was wondering when you were going to e over and
say hello。？ She pulled her knees up to her chest and smiled at him。
？I could say the same thing。？ The chair？s legs scraped noisily on the concrete as he pulled it out
and took a seat。 ？You look great。？
？Thank you。？ She smiled shyly； taking a sip of her drink。 She fumbled nervously for her
cigarettes； which were lying on the table near the trunk of the big umbrella。
Henry lit her shaking Gauloise and then helped himself to one from her stash。 Serena exhaled a
long plume of smoke； which danced away in the breeze。
？What happened to you； anyway？？ Henry smiled thought…fully； studying Serena？s face。 ？I
mean 。。。you justleft。 ？
Serena looked away。
？I e…mailed you a few times；？ Henry continued。 ？I never heard back from you。。。。 And when I
tried again； your school account had been closed。？
？I guess I needed to be alone for a little