ds。 It felt good to say it out loud。 “But I’m in love with you。 I know that。” Blair sucked in her breath and her nose made a loud snot…sucking sound。
Chuck pulled Blair into his arms and tenderly pushed her hair off her face。 “I love you too；” he said simply。 “And I know you。”
Blair resisted the urge to look away from Chuck’s brown eyes。 It was true。 He’d known her in high school； when she used to lock herself in bathrooms to throw up； when she and Serena would put fake tattoos on their butt cheeks and go out underwearless in too…short dresses； when she would get ridiculously drunk on pink drinks at the Tribeca Star。 And he knew her now。 He knew how she took her coffee； where she liked to study； what she looked like when she woke up in the morning。 He knew what she needed on a rainy day and on a sunny one。
“Can we start the day over again？” Blair asked。 Chuck pulled her close to him。
“Yes；” he breathed into her hair。 “We can。 And tomorrow； it’ll be a new year。”
Blair nestled into his broad； strong chest。 Maybe if she stayed here； close and safe with Chuck； everything would be okay。 Maybe she’d never have to think about Nate and Serena again。
Or maybe avoidance can’t solve all your problems。
where do you go when you’re lonely？
Dan opened the door of the Buick Skylark； not bothering to brush off the inches of snow that clung to the roof。 Serena slid silently into the passenger seat； staring straight ahead。 She was trembling ever so slightly； but Dan didn’t place his hand on her knee。 He didn’t know how he felt yet。
Dan began to drive； slowly following the signs to I…95。 The car felt oddly empty without Jenny。 He still couldn’t believe she’d gone off with Nate。 She’d texted Dan to let him know that she was safe and taken care of； and that she’d be home in a few days。 The fact that his girlfriend and his little sister had both fallen for that guy’s charms was seriously fucked up。
“Why were you going to Nate’s room？” Dan asked once they were on the highway。 It was the first sentence he’d spoken since they left。
“I don’t know；” Serena said； staring straight ahead。 Something about her matter…of…fact tone made Dan know she was telling the truth。 “I think I mainly just wanted to talk to him。 To see him。 We’d been talking about the old days and it just brought up a lot。” Serena took a napkin from the cup holder and began ripping it into smaller and smaller pieces。
Dan nodded。 That sort of made sense。 It was how he felt when he was texting Vanessa。 Like sliding back into something familiar。
“Would you have slept with him？” Dan asked。
Serena bit her lip。 Over the years； whenever she and Nate were alone together； things happened beyond their control。 But that was in the past。 “No；” Serena decided。
“I don’t get it；” Dan said tightly。 “Are you in love with him？”
Serena sighed； searching for the words； for a way to explain the whole messy situation so it would make sense to Dan。 She rubbed her hands in front of the heater to warm them。 How could she answer that？ “No。 But he was my first love。 And that’s hard to get over。”
Dan nodded； staring straight ahead at the dark road； thinking of Vanessa。 The snow had finally stopped and the roads were plowed； but they were pletely empty。 It was like the whole world was drinking eggnog and counting down to midnight somewhere。 “I get it。” It had taken him two years to get over her。 And then； with one text message； suddenly it felt like she was back in his life。
“I love you；” Serena said； her voice catching in her throat。
All of a sudden； Dan started laughing。 “If we got through this weekend； we can get through anything。”
Serena smiled。 Soon they’d be back in New York； back to their real lives； and this would all feel like a dream。
Doesn’t she mean nightmare？
“Vanessa； I need you to really flambé the soufflé。 Humphrey tradition；” Rufus roared。 A plastic top hat that read NEW YEAR’S EVE in silver foil letters was perched on his grizzly salt…and…pepper hair； and he wore a T…shirt with a cartoon of reindeer sitting on a couch drinking beers。
Vanessa used a match to set the chocolate soufflé on fire。 It felt good to be surrounded by noise and people after so many weeks of silently hanging around the loft。 Rufus’s friends were sitting on the couch； drinking vodka and grumbling about munism versus Marxism。 None of them had even asked who she was or why she was here。 Rufus had opened the door as if he’d been expecting her。 He’d told her that Dan； Serena； and Jenny were snowbound in Rhode Island； and that he was glad to have some young blood in the house。 That was hours ago； and since then she’d perfected Rufus’s recipe。
Suddenly； the door opened and Dan and Serena tumbled in； holding hands； snowflakes dusting their hair。
“Look who’s here！” Rufus cried proudly； gesturing to Vanessa as if he’d made her appear by magic。
Dan’s gaze shifted from Serena to Vanessa。 “I’m so sorry； I didn’t mean to intrude；” Vanessa said hastily。 She was still holding her wooden soufflé spoon； and set it down on the counter。 “It’s just… Hollis and I broke up and Ruby has； like； seventeen houseguests。” Vanessa wiped her hands on her apron。 “But I can leave；” she added helplessly。 Why did she think it was a good idea to barge back into Dan’s life？ Why had she thought the texts from last night meant anything at all？
Dan dropped Serena’s hand。 It was so strange； and yet so familiar； to see Vanessa here； in his kitchen。 Her dark hair was shoulder length and choppy； and she wore a pair of tight jeans and a white tank top underneath his dad’s dorky Kiss the Cook apron。 Her milky white skin contrasted with her jet…black hair。 He’d forgotten how beautiful she was。
“Sorry to hear that；” Serena said； an edge to her voice。 It was too bad that Vanessa had broken up with her boyfriend； but why was she so fortable crashing at Dan’s？
Asks the girl who breaks and enters Newport summer homes。
“Thanks。 At least I’m earning my keep；” Vanessa cracked； pointing to the charred soufflé。
Dan smiled。 Vanessa had always been a good sport about his dad’s experimental cooking。 It was nice to have her here again； back at their apartment。 It felt like home。
“So…” Vanessa trailed off。 “Is it okay if I stay？”
Dan looked straight at Vanessa as if he hadn’t heard。 “You can always stay；” he said softly。 Vanessa smiled back； nodding her head； a slight blush creeping over her cheeks。
“Right； sure。 Of course；” Serena said sulkily； sitting down at the kitchen counter。 Above her； the cuckoo clock struck midnight； its lilting； carefree chirp seeming to mock her。 It might be a new year； but she felt like she’d experienced this all before。
Two girls； one guy； and New Year’s Eve… Talk about déjà vu。
IV
hey people！
Only six more months until we’re out in the real world； and the signs are everywhere。 Theory suits and Prada pumps scream “signing bonuses。” The student center is packed with seniors writing Fulbright grant proposals to study contemporary indigenous literature in Canada； applying to grad school； or creating a backpacking…through…Latin…America itinerary。 And then there are those undecideds； who head to any and all on…campus career fairs； just to guarantee they’ll have something to do once May rolls around。
Even though our mailing addresses will stay the same for the next few months； our minds are already a million miles away。 D found out he’ll be leaving the Big Apple and heading to the land of corn at the famed Iowa Writers’ Workshop e September。 So what will e of his relationship with the lovely S？ Rumor has it she’ll be graduating from Yale this spring； despite the small technicality that she’s only a sophomore。 How does she do these things？ And should we even be surprised by now？ V may have an address on the Upper West Side； but judging from the pile of mail outside her door and her frequent sightings at Lit； Boxcar Lounge； and Barcade； she’s rarely there。 After spending a semester apart—she at Yale； he at Oxford—B and C spent a romantic summer in the south of France； which seemed to ease the pain of separation。 Then there are couples like N and J； who can’t even seem to be apart for a few hours。 They’re often seen kissing outside the library… and Brown dining hall the Ratty… and in the middle of the green。 Get a room！
your e…mail
q： Dear Gossip Girl；
I’m the owner of a collection of blogs。 e work with me and I’ll make you a star。
—Nick
a： Dear Nick；
While I don’t know what my future holds； I intend to remain an independent operation。
—GG
q： Dear Gossip Girl；
Okay； here it is： I have loved you since your first post。 I’m graduating； I guess you’re graduating； and all I want for Christmas is you。 I just received my fat signing bonus with a certain hedge fund； and I want to fly you down to St。 Barts for the holidays。 e with me and let’s toast the rest of our lives。
—Rich
a： Dear Rich；
While I’m flattered to hear you’re a longtime devotee； there’s no way I’m spending this holiday anywhere other than the Upper East Side。 And while the affections of some ordinary girls may be for sale； I’m no ordinary girl。
—GG
stress case
As we all bustle about trying to figure out our futures； I’m experiencing déjà vu。 Didn’t we do this once already？ It’s senior year stress all over again—except this time； we’re not applying to college； we’re applying to life。 My advice is the same as I gave four years ago： Sometimes； you just need to pour the pinot； turn on some tunes； and chill out。 After all； don’t we have the rest of our lives to worry？
You know you love me；
gossip girl
old rivalries； new real estate
Blair stood on the terrace of her mother and stepfather’s new Central Park West penthouse and took a drag of her Merit Ultra Light。 In the past year； she’d almost given up smoking； but something about her mother’s dinner parties always made her want to break the rules。
The new penthouse was on the top floor of a sprawling French Renaissance and German Gothic sandstone building that； on Seventy…second and Central Park West； lay almost exactly across the park from the Fifth