s climbed all over you and put your cap on backward as a sign of affection between their trips upstairs with brother officers。 I knew I did not love Catherine Barkley nor had any idea of loving her。 This was a game； like bridge； in which you said things instead of playing cards。 Like bridge you had to pretend you were playing for money or playing for some stakes。 Nobody had mentioned what the stakes were。 It was all right with me。
〃I wish there was some place we could go；〃 I said。 I was experiencing the masculine difficulty of making love very long standing up。
〃There isn't any place；〃 she said。 She came back from wherever she had been。
〃We might sit there just for a little while。〃
We sat on the flat stone bench and I held Catherine Barkley's hand。 She would not let me put my arm around her。
〃Are you very tired？〃 she asked。
〃No。〃
She looked down at the grass。
〃This is a rotten game we play； isn't it？〃
〃What game？〃
〃Don't be dull。〃
〃I'm not； on purpose。〃
〃You're a nice boy；〃 she said。 〃And you play it as well as you know how。 But it's a rotten game。〃
〃Do you always know what people think？〃
〃Not always。 But I do with you。 You don't have to pretend you love me。 That's over for the evening。 Is there anything you'd like to talk about？〃
〃But I do love you。〃
〃Please let's not lie when we don't have to。 I had a very fine little show and I'm all right now。 You see I'm not mad and I'm not gone off。 It's only a little sometimes。〃
I pressed her hand； 〃Dear Catherine。〃
〃It sounds very funny now……Catherine。 You don't pronounce it very much alike。 But you're very nice。 You're a very good boy。〃
〃That's what the priest said。〃
〃Yes； you're very good。 And you will e and see me？〃
〃Of course。〃
〃And you don't have to say you love me。 That's all over for a while。〃 She stood up and put out her hand。 〃Good…night。〃
I wanted to kiss her。
〃No；〃 she said。 〃I'm awfully tired。〃
〃Kiss me； though；〃 I said。
〃I'm awfully tired； darling。〃
〃Kiss me。〃
〃Do you want to very much？〃
〃Yes。〃
We kissed and she broke away suddenly。 〃No。 Good…night； please； darling。〃 We walked to the door and I saw her go in and down the hall。 I liked to watch her move。 She went on down the hall。 I went on home。 It was a hot night and there was a good deal going on up in the mountains。 I watched the flashes on San Gabriele。
I stopped in front of the Villa Rossa。 The shutters were up but it was still going on inside。 Somebody was singing。 I went on home。 Rinaldi came in while I was undressing。
〃Ah； ha！〃 he said。 〃It does not go so well。 Baby is puzzled。〃
〃Where have you been？〃
〃At the Villa Rossa。 It was very edifying； baby。 We all sang。 Where have you been？〃
〃Calling on the British。〃
〃Thank God I did not bee involved with the British。〃
7
I came back the next afternoon from our first mountain post and stopped the car at the smistimento where the wounded and sick were sorted by their papers and the papers marked for the different hospitals。 I had been driving and I sat in the car and the driver took the papers in。 It was a hot day and the sky was very bright and blue and the road was white and dusty。 I sat in the high seat of the Fiat and thought about nothing。 A regiment went by in the road and I watched them pass。 The men were hot and sweating。 Some wore their steel helmets but most of them carried them slung from their packs。 Most of the helmets were too big and came down almost over the ears of the men who wore them。 The officers all wore helmets； better…fitting helmets。 It was half of the brigata Basilicata。 I identified them by their red and white striped collar mark。 There were stragglers going by long after the regiment had passed……men who could not keep up with their platoons。 They were sweaty； dusty and tired。 Some looked pretty bad。 A soldier came along after the last of the stragglers。 He was walking with a limp。 He stopped and sat down beside the road。 I got down and went over。
〃What's the matter？〃
He looked at me； then stood up。
〃I'm going on。〃
〃What's the trouble？〃
〃…… the war。〃
〃What's wrong with your leg？〃
〃It's not my leg。 I got a rupture。〃
〃Why don't you ride with the transport？〃 I asked。 〃Why don't you go to the hospital？〃
〃They won't let me。 The lieutenant said I slipped the truss on purpose。〃
〃Let me feel it。〃
〃It's way out。〃
〃Which side is it on？〃
〃Here。〃
I felt it。
〃Cough；〃 I said。
〃I'm afraid it will make it bigger。 It's twice as big as it was this morning。〃
〃Sit down；〃 I said。 〃As soon as I get the papers on these wounded I'll take you along the road and drop you with your medical officers。〃
〃He'll say I did it on purpose。〃
〃They can't do anything；〃 I said。 〃It's not a wound。 You've had it before； haven't you？〃
〃But I lost the truss。〃
〃They'll send you to a hospital。〃
〃Can't I stay here； Tenente？〃
〃No； I haven't any papers for you。〃
The driver came out of the door with the papers for the wounded in the car。
〃Four for 105。 Two for 132；〃 he said。 They were hospitals beyond the river。
〃You drive；〃 I said。 I helped the soldier with the rupture up on the seat with us。
〃You speak English？〃 he asked。
〃Sure。〃
〃How you like this goddam war？〃
〃Rotten。〃
〃I say it's rotten。 Jesus Christ； I say it's rotten。〃
〃Were you in the States？〃
〃Sure。 In Pittsburgh。 I knew you was an American。〃
〃Don't I talk Italian good enough？〃
〃I knew you was an American all right。〃
〃Another American；〃 said the driver in Italian looking at the hernia man。
〃Listen； lootenant。 Do you have to take me to that regiment？〃
〃Yes。〃
〃Because the captain doctor knew I had this rupture。 I threw away the goddam truss so it would get bad and I wouldn't have to go to the line again。〃
〃I see。〃
〃Couldn't you take me no place else？〃
〃If it was closer to the front I could take you to a first medical post。 But back here you've got to have papers。〃
〃If I go back they'll make me get operated on and then they'll put me in the line all the time。〃
I thought it over。
〃You wouldn't want to go in the line all the time； would you？〃 he asked。
〃No。〃
〃Jesus Christ； ain't this a goddam war？〃
〃Listen；〃 I said。 〃You get out and fall down by the road and get a bump on your head and I'll pick you up on our way back and take you to a hospital。 We'll stop by the road here； Aldo。〃 We stopped at the side of the road。 I helped him down。
〃I'll be right here； lieutenant；〃 he said。
〃So long；〃 I said。 We went on and passed the regiment about a mile ahead； then crossed the river； cloudy with snow…water and running fast through the spiles of the bridge； to ride along the road across the plain and deliver the wounded at the two hospitals。 I drove ing back and went fast with the empty car to find the man from Pittsburgh。 First we passed the regiment； hotter and slower than ever： then the stragglers。 Then we saw a horse ambulance stopped by the road。 Two men were lifting the hernia man to put him in。 They had e back for him。 He shook his head at me。 His helmet was off and his forehead was bleeding below the hair line。 His nose was skinned and there was dust on the bloody patch and dust in his hair。
〃Look at the bump； lieutenant！〃 he shouted。 〃Nothing to do。 They e back for me。〃
When I got back to the villa it was five o'clock and I went out where we washed the cars； to take a shower。 Then I made out my report in my room； sitting in my trousers and an undershirt in front of the open window。 In two days the offensive was to start and I would go with the cars to Plava。 It was a long time since I had written to the States and I knew I should write but I had let it go so long that it was almost impossible to write now。 There was nothing to write about。 I sent a couple of army Zona di Guerra post…cards； crossing out everything except； I am well。 That should handle them。 Those post…cards would be very fine in America； strange and mysterious。 This was a strange and mysterious war zone but I supposed it was quite well run and grim pared to other wars with the Austrians。 The Austrian army was created to give Napoleon victories； any Napoleon。 I wished we had a Napoleon； but instead we had Ii Generale Cadorna； fat and prosperous and Vittorio Emmanuele； the tiny man with the long thin neck and the goat beard。 Over on the right they had the Duke of Aosta。 Maybe he was too good…looking to be a。 great general but he looked like a man。 Lots of them would have liked him to be king。 He looked like a king。 He was the King's uncle and manded the third army。 We were in the second army。 There were some British batteries up with the third army。 I had met two gunners from that lot； in Milan。 They were very nice and we had a big evening。 They were big and shy and embarrassed and very appreciative together of anything that happened。 I wish that I was with the British。 It would have been much simpler。 Still I would probably have been killed。 Not in this ambulance business。 Yes； even in the ambulance business。 British ambulance drivers were killed sometimes。 Well； I knew I would not be killed。 Not in this war。 It did not have anything to do with me。 It seemed no more dangerous to me myself than war in the movies。 I wished to God it was over though。 Maybe it would finish this summer。 Maybe the Austrians would crack。 They had always cracked in other wars。 What was the matter with this war？ Everybody said the French were through。 Rinaldi said that the French had mutinied and troops marched on Paris。 I asked him what happened and he said； 〃Oh； they stopped them。〃 I wanted to go to Austria without war。 I wanted to go to the Black Forest。 I wanted to go to the Hartz Mountains。
Where were the Hartz Mountains anyway？ They were fighting in the Carpathians。 I did not want to go there anyway。 It might be good though。 I could go to Spain if there was no war。 The sun was going down and the day was cooling off。 After supper I would go and see Catherine Barkley。 I wish she were here now。 I wished I were in Milan with her。 I would like to eat at the Cova and then walk down the Via Manzoni in the hot evening and cross over and turn off along the canal and go to the hotel with Catherine Barkley。 Maybe she would。 Maybe she would pretend that I was her boy that was killed and we would go in the front door and the porter would t