what he would； he fell into such a mood of abstraction that Gowan said
again； 'I am very much afraid my mother has bored you？' To which he
roused himself to answer； 'Not at all！' and soon relapsed again。
In that state of mind which rendered nobody uneasy； his thoughtfulness
would have turned principally on the man at his side。 He would have
thought of the morning when he first saw him rooting out the stones with
his heel； and would have asked himself； 'Does he jerk me out of the
path in the same careless； cruel way？' He would have thought； had this
introduction to his mother been brought about by him because he knew
what she would say； and that he could thus place his position before
a rival and loftily warn him off； without himself reposing a word of
confidence in him？ He would have thought； even if there were no such
design as that； had he brought him there to play with his repressed
emotions； and torment him？ The current of these meditations would have
been stayed sometimes by a rush of shame； bearing a remonstrance to
himself from his own open nature； representing that to shelter such
suspicions； even for the passing moment； was not to hold the high；
unenvious course he had resolved to keep。 At those times； the striving
within him would have been hardest； and looking up and catching Gowan's
eyes； he would have started as if he had done him an injury。
Then； looking at the dark road and its uncertain objects； he would have
gradually trailed off again into thinking； 'Where are we driving； he
and I； I wonder； on the darker road of life？ How will it be with us； and
with her； in the obscure distance？' Thinking of her； he would have been
troubled anew with a reproachful misgiving that it was not even loyal to
her to dislike him； and that in being so easily prejudiced against him
he was less deserving of her than at first。
'You are evidently out of spirits；' said Gowan； 'I am very much afraid
my mother must have bored you dreadfully。' 'Believe me； not at all；'
said Clennam。 'It's nothing……nothing！'
CHAPTER 27。 Five…and…Twenty
A frequently recurring doubt； whether Mr Pancks's desire to collect
information relative to the Dorrit family could have any possible
bearing on the misgivings he had imparted to his mother on his return
from his long exile； caused Arthur Clennam much uneasiness at this
period。 What Mr Pancks already knew about the Dorrit family； what more
he really wanted to find out； and why he should trouble his busy head
about them at all； were questions that often perplexed him。 Mr Pancks
was not a man to waste his time and trouble in researches prompted by
idle curiosity。 That he had a specific object Clennam could not doubt。
And whether the attainment of that object by Mr Pancks's industry might
bring to light； in some untimely way； secret reasons which had induced
his mother to take Little Dorrit by the hand； was a serious speculation。
Not that he ever wavered either in his desire or his determination to
repair a wrong that had been done in his father's time； should a
wrong e to light； and be reparable。 The shadow of a supposed act
of injustice； which had hung over him since his father's death； was
so vague and formless that it might be the result of a reality widely
remote from his idea of it。 But； if his apprehensions should prove to
be well founded； he was ready at any moment to lay down all he had； and
begin the world anew。 As the fierce dark teaching of his childhood had
never sunk into his heart； so that first article in his code of morals
was； that he must begin； in practical humility； with looking well to
his feet on Earth； and that he could never mount on wings of words to
Heaven。 Duty on earth； restitution on earth； action on earth； these
first； as the first steep steps upward。 Strait was the gate and narrow
was the way； far straiter and narrower than the broad high road paved
with vain professions and vain repetitions； motes from other men's eyes
and liberal delivery of others to the judgment……all cheap materials
costing absolutely nothing。
No。 It was not a selfish fear or hesitation that rendered him
uneasy； but a mistrust lest Pancks might not observe his part of the
understanding between them； and； making any discovery； might take some
course upon it without imparting it to him。 On the other hand； when he
recalled his conversation with Pancks； and the little reason he had to
suppose that there was any likelihood of that strange personage being
on that track at all； there were times when he wondered that he made so
much of it。 Labouring in this sea； as all barks labour in cross seas； he
tossed about and came to no haven。
The removal of Little Dorrit herself from their customary association；
did not mend the matter。 She was so much out； and so much in her own
room； that he began to miss her and to find a blank in her place。 He had
written to her to inquire if she were better； and she had written
back； very gratefully and earnestly telling him not to be uneasy on her
behalf； for she was quite well； but he had not seen her； for what； in
their intercourse； was a long time。
He returned home one evening from an interview with her father； who had
mentioned that she was out visiting……which was what he always said
when she was hard at work to buy his supper……and found Mr Meagles in an
excited state walking up and down his room。 On his opening the door； Mr
Meagles stopped； faced round； and said：
'Clennam！……Tattycoram！'
'What's the matter？'
'Lost！'
'Why； bless my heart alive！' cried Clennam in amazement。 'What do you
mean？'
'Wouldn't count five…and…twenty； sir； couldn't be got to do it； stopped
at eight； and took herself off。'
'Left your house？'
'Never to e back；' said Mr Meagles； shaking his head。 'You don't know
that girl's passionate and proud character。 A team of horses couldn't
draw her back now； the bolts and bars of the old Bastille couldn't keep
her。'
'How did it happen？ Pray sit down and tell me。'
'As to how it happened； it's not so easy to relate： because you must
have the unfortunate temperament of the poor impetuous girl herself；
before you can fully understand it。 But it came about in this way。 Pet
and Mother and I have been having a good deal of talk together of late。
I'll not disguise from you； Clennam； that those conversations have not
been of as bright a kind as I could wish； they have referred to our
going away again。 In proposing to do which； I have had； in fact； an
object。'
Nobody's heart beat quickly。
'An object；' said Mr Meagles； after a moment's pause； 'that I will not
disguise from you； either； Clennam。 There's an inclination on the part
of my dear child which I am sorry for。 Perhaps you guess the person。
Henry Gowan。'
'I was not unprepared to hear it。'
'Well！' said Mr Meagles； with a heavy sigh； 'I wish to God you had never
had to hear it。 However； so it is。 Mother and I have done all we could
to get the better of it； Clennam。 We have tried tender advice； we
have tried time； we have tried absence。 As yet； of no use。 Our late
conversations have been upon the subject of going away for another year
at least； in order that there might be an entire separation and breaking
off for that term。 Upon that question； Pet has been unhappy； and
therefore Mother and I have been unhappy。' Clennam said that he could
easily believe it。
'Well！' continued Mr Meagles in an apologetic way； 'I admit as a
practical man； and I am sure Mother would admit as a practical woman；
that we do； in families； magnify our troubles and make mountains of our
molehills in a way that is calculated to be rather trying to people who
look on……to mere outsiders； you know； Clennam。
Still； Pet's happiness or unhappiness is quite a life or death question
with us； and we may be excused； I hope； for making much of it。 At all
events； it might have been borne by Tattycoram。 Now； don't you think
so？'
'I do indeed think so；' returned Clennam； in most emphatic recognition
of this very moderate expectation。
'No； sir；' said Mr Meagles； shaking his head ruefully。 'She couldn't
stand it。 The chafing and firing of that girl； the wearing and tearing
of that girl within her own breast； has been such that I have
softly said to her again and again in passing her； 〃Five…and…twenty；
Tattycoram； five…and…twenty！〃 I heartily wish she could have gone
on counting five…and…twenty day and night； and then it wouldn't have
happened。'
Mr Meagles with a despondent countenance in which the goodness of his
heart was even more expressed than in his times of cheerfulness and
gaiety； stroked his face down from his forehead to his chin； and shook
his head again。
'I said to Mother （not that it was necessary； for she would have thought
it all for herself）； we are practical people； my dear； and we know her
story； we see in this unhappy girl some reflection of what was raging in
her mother's heart before ever such a creature as this poor thing was
in the world； we'll gloss her temper over； Mother； we won't notice it at
present； my dear； we'll take advantage of some better disposition in her
another time。 So we said nothing。 But； do what we would； it seems as if
it was to be； she broke out violently one night。'
'How； and why？'
'If you ask me Why；' said Mr Meagles； a little disturbed by the
question； for he was far more intent on softening her case than the
family's； 'I can only refer you to what I have just repeated as having
been pretty near my words to Mother。 As to How； we had said Good night
to Pet in her presence （very affectionately； I must allow）； and she
had attended Pet up…stairs……you remember she was her maid。 Perhaps Pet；
having been out of sorts； may have been a little more inconsiderate than
usual in requiring services of her： but I don't know that I have any
right to say so； she was always thoughtful and gentle。'
'The gentlest mistress in the world。'
'Thank you； Clennam；' said Mr Meagles； shaking him by the hand； 'you
have often seen them together。 Well！ We presently heard this unfortunate
Tattycoram loud and angry； and before we could ask what was the matter；
Pet came back in a tremble； saying she was frightened of her。 Close
after her came Tattycor