of despair。
'Thank Heaven！' said Clennam； when the hour struck； and the bell
stopped。
But its sound had revived a long train of miserable Sundays； and the
procession would not stop with the bell； but continued to march on。
'Heaven forgive me；' said he； 'and those who trained me。 How I have
hated this day！'
There was the dreary Sunday of his childhood； when he sat with his hands
before him； scared out of his senses by a horrible tract which menced
business with the poor child by asking him in its title； why he was
going to Perdition？……a piece of curiosity that he really； in a frock and
drawers； was not in a condition to satisfy……and which； for the further
attraction of his infant mind； had a parenthesis in every other line
with some such hiccupping reference as 2 Ep。 Thess。 c。 iii； v。 6 &
7。 There was the sleepy Sunday of his boyhood； when； like a military
deserter； he was marched to chapel by a picquet of teachers three times
a day； morally handcuffed to another boy； and when he would willingly
have bartered two meals of indigestible sermon for another ounce or
two of inferior mutton at his scanty dinner in the flesh。 There was the
interminable Sunday of his nonage； when his mother； stern of face and
unrelenting of heart； would sit all day behind a Bible……bound； like her
own construction of it； in the hardest； barest； and straitest boards；
with one dinted ornament on the cover like the drag of a chain； and a
wrathful sprinkling of red upon the edges of the leaves……as if it； of
all books！ were a fortification against sweetness of temper； natural
affection； and gentle intercourse。 There was the resentful Sunday of a
little later； when he sat down glowering and glooming through the tardy
length of the day； with a sullen sense of injury in his heart； and no
more real knowledge of the beneficent history of the New Testament than
if he had been bred among idolaters。 There was a legion of Sundays；
all days of unserviceable bitterness and mortification； slowly passing
before him。 'Beg pardon； sir；' said a brisk waiter； rubbing the table。
'Wish see bed…room？'
'Yes。 I have just made up my mind to do it。'
'Chaymaid！' cried the waiter。 'Gelen box num seven wish see room！'
'Stay！' said Clennam； rousing himself。 'I was not thinking of what I
said； I answered mechanically。 I am not going to sleep here。 I am going
home。'
'Deed； sir？ Chaymaid！ Gelen box num seven； not go sleep here； gome。'
He sat in the same place as the day died； looking at the dull houses
opposite； and thinking； if the disembodied spirits of former inhabitants
were ever conscious of them； how they must pity themselves for their old
places of imprisonment。 Sometimes a face would appear behind the dingy
glass of a window； and would fade away into the gloom as if it had seen
enough of life and had vanished out of it。 Presently the rain began to
fall in slanting lines between him and those houses； and people began
to collect under cover of the public passage opposite； and to look out
hopelessly at the sky as the rain dropped thicker and faster。 Then wet
umbrellas began to appear； draggled skirts； and mud。 What the mud had
been doing with itself； or where it came from； who could say？ But it
seemed to collect in a moment； as a crowd will； and in five minutes to
have splashed all the sons and daughters of Adam。 The lamplighter was
going his rounds now； and as the fiery jets sprang up under his touch；
one might have fancied them astonished at being suffered to introduce
any show of brightness into such a dismal scene。
Mr Arthur Clennam took up his hat and buttoned his coat； and walked out。
In the country； the rain would have developed a thousand fresh scents；
and every drop would have had its bright association with some beautiful
form of growth or life。 In the city； it developed only foul stale
smells； and was a sickly； lukewarm； dirt…stained； wretched addition to
the gutters。
He crossed by St Paul's and went down； at a long angle； almost to the
water's edge； through some of the crooked and descending streets which
lie （and lay more crookedly and closely then） between the river and
Cheapside。 Passing； now the mouldy hall of some obsolete Worshipful
pany； now the illuminated windows of a Congregationless Church that
seemed to be waiting for some adventurous Belzoni to dig it out and
discover its history； passing silent warehouses and wharves； and here
and there a narrow alley leading to the river； where a wretched little
bill； FOUND DROWNED； was weeping on the wet wall； he came at last to the
house he sought。 An old brick house； so dingy as to be all but black；
standing by itself within a gateway。 Before it； a square court…yard
where a shrub or two and a patch of grass were as rank （which is saying
much） as the iron railings enclosing them were rusty； behind it；
a jumble of roots。 It was a double house； with long； narrow；
heavily…framed windows。 Many years ago； it had had it in its mind to
slide down sideways； it had been propped up； however； and was leaning on
some half…dozen gigantic crutches： which gymnasium for the neighbouring
cats； weather…stained； smoke…blackened； and overgrown with weeds；
appeared in these latter days to be no very sure reliance。
'Nothing changed；' said the traveller； stopping to look round。 'Dark and
miserable as ever。 A light in my mother's window； which seems never to
have been extinguished since I came home twice a year from school； and
dragged my box over this pavement。 Well； well； well！'
He went up to the door； which had a projecting canopy in carved work
of festooned jack…towels and children's heads with water on the brain；
designed after a once…popular monumental pattern； and knocked。 A
shuffling step was soon heard on the stone floor of the hall； and the
door was opened by an old man； bent and dried； but with keen eyes。
He had a candle in his hand； and he held it up for a moment to assist
his keen eyes。 'Ah； Mr Arthur？' he said； without any emotion； 'you are
e at last？ Step in。'
Mr Arthur stepped in and shut the door。
'Your figure is filled out； and set；' said the old man； turning to look
at him with the light raised again； and shaking his head； 'but you don't
e up to your father in my opinion。 Nor yet your mother。'
'How is my mother？'
'She is as she always is now。 Keeps her room when not actually
bedridden； and hasn't been out of it fifteen times in as many years；
Arthur。' They had walked into a spare； meagre dining…room。 The old man
had put the candlestick upon the table； and； supporting his right elbow
with his left hand； was smoothing his leathern jaws while he looked at
the visitor。 The visitor offered his hand。 The old man took it coldly
enough； and seemed to prefer his jaws； to which he returned as soon as
he could。
'I doubt if your mother will approve of your ing home on the Sabbath；
Arthur；' he said； shaking his head warily。
'You wouldn't have me go away again？'
'Oh！ I？ I？ I am not the master。 It's not what _I_ would have。 I have
stood between your father and mother for a number of years。 I don't
pretend to stand between your mother and you。'
'Will you tell her that I have e home？'
'Yes； Arthur； yes。 Oh； to be sure！ I'll tell her that you have e
home。 Please to wait here。 You won't find the room changed。'
He took another candle from a cupboard； lighted it； left the first on
the table； and went upon his errand。 He was a short； bald old man； in a
high…shouldered black coat and waistcoat； drab breeches； and long drab
gaiters。 He might； from his dress； have been either clerk or servant；
and in fact had long been both。 There was nothing about him in the way
of decoration but a watch； which was lowered into the depths of its
proper pocket by an old black ribbon； and had a tarnished copper key
moored above it； to show where it was sunk。 His head was awry； and
he had a one…sided； crab…like way with him； as if his foundations had
yielded at about the same time as those of the house； and he ought to
have been propped up in a similar manner。
'How weak am I；' said Arthur Clennam； when he was gone； 'that I could
shed tears at this reception！ I； who have never experienced anything
else； who have never expected anything else。' He not only could；
but did。 It was the momentary yielding of a nature that had been
disappointed from the dawn of its perceptions； but had not quite given
up all its hopeful yearnings yet。 He subdued it； took up the candle；
and examined the room。 The old articles of furniture were in their old
places； the Plagues of Egypt； much the dimmer for the fly and smoke
plagues of London； were framed and glazed upon the walls。 There was the
old cellaret with nothing in it； lined with lead； like a sort of coffin
in partments； there was the old dark closet； also with nothing in
it； of which he had been many a time the sole contents； in days of
punishment； when he had regarded it as the veritable entrance to that
bourne to which the tract had found him galloping。 There was the large；
hard…featured clock on the sideboard； which he used to see bending its
figured brows upon him with a savage joy when he was behind…hand with
his lessons； and which； when it was wound up once a week with an iron
handle； used to sound as if it were growling in ferocious anticipation
of the miseries into which it would bring him。 But here was the old man
e back； saying； 'Arthur； I'll go before and light you。'
Arthur followed him up the staircase； which was panelled off into spaces
like so many mourning tablets； into a dim bed…chamber； the floor of
which had gradually so sunk and settled； that the fire…place was in a
dell。 On a black bier…like sofa in this hollow； propped up behind with
one great angular black bolster like the block at a state execution in
the good old times； sat his mother in a widow's dress。
She and his father had been at variance from his earliest remembrance。
To sit speechless himself in the midst of rigid silence； glancing in
dread from the one averted face to the other； had been the peacefullest
occupation of his childhood。 She gave him one glassy kiss； and four
stiff fingers muffled in worsted。 This embrace concluded； he sat down on
the opposite side of her