r before breakfast； his mother； who dressed up on that day； andlooked almost young； with her hair straightened； and on her head the close…fitting white cap thatwas the uniform of holy women； his younger brother； Roy； who was silent that day because hisfather was home。 Sarah； who wore a red ribbon in her hair that day； and was fondled by her father。
And the baby； Ruth； who was dressed in pink and white； and rode in her mother’s arms to church。
The church was not very far away； four block up Lenox Avenue； on a corner not far fromthe hospital。 It was to this hospital that his mother had gone when Roy； and Sarah； and Ruth wereborn。 John did not remember very clearly the first time she had gone； to have Roy； folks said thathe had cried and carried on the whole time his mother was away； he remembered only enough tobe afraid every time her belly began to swell； knowing that each time the swelling began it wouldnot end until she was taken from him； to e back with an stranger。 Each time this happened shebecame a little more of a stranger herself。 She would soon be going away again； Roy said—heknew much more about such things than John。 John had observed his mother closely； seeing no swelling yet； but his father had prayed one morning for the ‘little voyager soon to be among them；’
and so John knew that Roy spoke the truth。
Every Sunday morning； then； since John could remember； they had taken to the Streets； theGrimes family on their way to church。 Sinners along the avenue watched tem—men still wearingtheir Sunday…night clothes； wrinkled and dusty now； muddy…eyed and muddy…faced； and thewomen with harsh voices and tight； bright dresses； cigarettes between their finger or held tightly inthe corners of their mouths。 They talked； and laughed； and fought together； and the women foughtlike the men。 John and Roy； passing these men and women； looked at one another briefly； Johnembarrassed and Roy amused。 Roy would be like them when he grew up； if the Lord did notchange his heart。 These men and women they passed on Sunday mornings had spent the night inbars； or in cat houses； or on the streets； or on the rooftops； or under the stairs。 They had beendrinking。 They had gone from cursing to laughter； to anger； to lust。 Once he and Roy had watcheda man and woman in the basement of a condemned house。 They did it standing up。 The womanhad wanted fifty cents； and the man had flashed a razor。
John had never watched again； he had been afraid。 But Roy had watched them many times；and he told John he had done it with some girls down the block。
And his mother and father； who went to church on Sundays； they did it too； and sometimesJohn heard them in the bedroom behind him； over the sound of rat’s feet； and rat screams； and themusic and cursing from the harlot’s house downstairs。
Their church was called the Temple of the Fire Baptized。 It was not the biggest church inHarlem； not yet the smallest； but John had been brought up to believe it was the holiest and best。
His father was head deacon in this church—there were only two； the other a round； black mannamed Deacon Braithwaite—and he took up the collection； and sometimes he preached。 Thepastor； Father James； was a genial； well…fed man with a face like a darker moon。 It was he whopreached on Pentecost Sundays； and led revivals in the summer…time； and anointed and healed thesick。
On Sunday mornings and Sunday nights the church was always full； on special Sundays itwas full all day。 The Grimes family arrived in a body； always a little late； usually in the middle ofSunday school； which began at nine o’clock。 This lateness was always their mother’s fault—atleast in the eyes of their father； she could not seem to get herself and the children ready on time；ever； and sometimes she actually remained behind； not to appear until the morning service。 Whenthey all arrived together； they separated upon entering the doors； father and mother going to sit inthe Adult Class； which was taught by Sister McCandless； Sarah going to the Infants’ Class； Johnand Roy sitting in the Intermediate； which was taught by Brother Elisha。
When he was young； John had paid no attention in Sunday school； and always forgot thegolden text； which earned him the wrath of his father。 Around the time of his fourteenth birthday；with all the pressures of church and home uniting to drive him to the altar； he strove to appearmore serious and therefore less conspicuous。 But he was distracted by his new teacher； Elisha； whowas the pastor’s nephew and who had but lately arrived from Georgia。 He was not much older thanJohn； only seventeen； and he was already saved and was a preacher。 John stared at Elisha allduring the lesson； admiring the timbre of Elisha’s voice； much deeper and manlier than his own； admiring the leanness； and grace； and strength； and darkness of Elisha in his Sunday suit；wondering if he would ever be holy as Elisha was holy。 But he did not follow the lesson； andwhen； sometimes； Elisha paused to ask John a question； John was ashamed and confused； feelingthe palms of his hands bee wet and his heart pound like a hammer。 Elisha would smile andreprimand him gently； and the lesson would go on。
Roy never knew his Sunday school lesson either； but it was different with Roy—no onereally expected of Roy what was expected of John。 Everyone was always praying that the Lordwould change Roy’s heart； but it was John who was expected to be good； to be a good example。
When Sunday school service ended there was a short pause before morning service began。
In this pause； if it was good weather； the old folks might step outside a moment to talk amongthemselves。 The sisters would almost always be dressed in white from crown to tow。 The smallchildren； on this day； in this place； and oppressed by their elders； tried hard to play withoutseeming to be disrespectful of God’s house。 But sometimes； nervous or perverse； they shouted； orthrew hymn…books； or began to cry； putting their parents； men or women of God； under thenecessity of proving—by harsh means or tender—who； in a sanctified household； ruled。 The olderchildren； like John or Roy； might wander down the avenue； but not too far。 Their father never letJohn and Roy out of his sight； for Roy had often disappeared between Sunday school and morningservice and has not e back all day。
The Sunday morning service began when Brother Elisha sat down at the piano and raised asong。 This moment and this music had been with John； so it seemed； since he had first drawnbreath。 It seemed that there had never been a time when he had not known this moment of waitingwhile the packed church paused—the sisters in white； heads raised； the brothers in blue； headsback； the white caps of the women seeming to glow in the charged air like crowns； the kinky；gleaming heads of the men seeming to be lifted up—and the rustling and the whispering ceasedand the children eone coughed； or the sound of a car horn； or a curse fromthe streets came in； the Elisha hit the keys； beginning at once to sing； and everybody joined him；clapping their hands； and rising； and beating the tambourines。
The song might be： Down at the cross where my Savior died！
Or： Jesus； I’ll never forget how you set me free！
Or： Lord； hold my hand while I run this race！
They sang with all the strength that was in them； and clapped their hands for joy。 There hadnever been a time when John had not sat watching the saints rejoice with terror in his heart； andwonder。 Their singing caused him to believe in the presence of the Lord； indeed； it was no longer aquestion of belief； because they made that presence real。 He did not feel it himself； the joy theyfelt； yet he could not doubt that it was； for them； the very bread of life—could not doubt it； that is；until it was too late to doubt。 Something happened to their faces and their voices； the rhythm oftheir bodies； and to the air they breathed； it was as though wherever they might be became theupper room； and the Holy Ghost were riding on the air。 His father’s face； always awful； becamemore awful now； his father’s daily anger was transformed into prophetic wrath。 His mother； hereyes raised to heaven； hands arked before her； moving； made real for John that patience； thatendurance； that long suffering； which he had read of in the Bible and found so hard to imagine。
On Sunday mornings the women all seemed patient； all the men seemed mighty。 WhileJohn watched； the Power struck someone； a man or woman； they cried out； a long； wordlesscrying； and； arms outstretched like wings； they began the Shout。 Someone moved a chair a little togive them room； the rhythm paused； the singing stopped； only the pounding feet and the clappinghands were heard； then another cry； another dancer； then the tambourines began again； and thevoices rose again； and the music swept on again； like fire； or flood； or judgment。 Then the churchseemed to swell with the Power it held； and； like a pla rocking in space； the temple rocked withthe Power of God。 John watched； watched the faces； and the weightless bodies； and listened to thetimeless cries。 One day； so everyone said； this Power would possess him； he would sing and cry asthey did now； and dance before his King。 He watched young Ella Mae Washington； the seventeen…year…old granddaughter of Praying Mother Washington； as she began to dance。 And then Elishadanced。
At one moment； head thrown back； eyes closed； sweat standing on his brow； he sat at thepiano； singing and playing； and then； like a great black cat in trouble in the jungle； he stiffened andtrembled； and cried out。 Jesus； Jesus； oh Lord Jesus！ He struck on the piano one last wild note； andthrew up his hands； palms upward； stretched wide apart。 The tambourines raced to fill the vacuumleft by his silent piano； and his cry drew answering cries。 Then he was on his feet； turning； blind；his face congested； contorted with this rage； and the muscles leaping ands swelling in his long；dark neck。 It seemed that he could not breathe； that his body could not contain this passion； that hewould be； before their eyes； dispersed into the waiting air。 His hand； rigid to the very fingertips；moved outward and back against his hips； his sightless eyes looked upward； and he b