〃Charlie's getting nosy；〃 I plained to Jacob when I picked him up after
school Friday。
〃Maybe we should cool it with the bikes。〃 He saw my objecting expression and
added； 〃At least for a
week or so。 You could stay out of the hospital for a week； right？〃
〃What are we going to do？〃 I griped。
He smiled cheerfully。 〃What ever you want。〃
I thought about that for a minute—about what I wanted。
I hated the idea of losing even my brief seconds of closeness with the
memories that didn't hurt—the ones
that came on their own； without me thinking of them consciously。 If I couldn't
have the bikes； I was going
to have to find some other avenue to the danger and the adrenaline； and that
was going to take serious
thought and creativity。 Doing nothing in the meantime was not appealing。
Suppose I got depressed again；
even with Jake？ I had to keep occupied。
Maybe there was some other way； some other recipe some other place。
The house had been a mistake； certainly。 But his presence must be stamped
somewhere； somewhere
other than inside me。 There had to be a place where he seemed more real than
among all the familiar
landmarks that were crowded with other human memories。
I could think of one place where that might hold true。 One place that would
always belong to him and no
one else。 A magic place； full of light。 The beautiful meadow I'd seen only
once in my life； lit by sunshine
and the sparkle of his skin。
This idea had a huge potential for backfiring—it might be dangerously
painful。 My chest ached with
emptiness even to think of it。 It was hard to hold myself upright； to not give
myself away。 But surely； there
of all places； I could hear his voice。 And I'd already told Charlie I was
hiking
〃What are you thinking about so hard？〃 Jacob asked。
〃Well〃 I began slowly。 〃I found this place in the forest once—I came across
it when I was； um； hiking。
A little meadow； the most beautiful place。 I don't know if I could track it
down again on my own。 It
would definitely take a few tries〃
〃We could use a pass and a grid pattern；〃 Jacob said with confident
helpfulness。 〃Do you know
where you started from？〃
〃Yes； just below the trailhead where the one…ten ends。 I was going mostly
south； I think。〃
〃Cool。 We'll find it。〃 As always； Jacob was game for anything I wanted。 No
matter how strange it was。
So； Saturday afternoon； I tied on my new hiking boots—purchased that morning
using my
twenty…per…cent…off employee discount for the first time—grabbed my new
topographical map of the
Olympic Peninsula； and drove to La Push。
We didn't get started immediately； first； Jacob sprawled across the living
room floor—taking up the
whole room—and； for a full twenty minutes； drew a plicated web across the
key section of the map
while I perched on a kitchen chair and talked to Billy。 Billy didn't seem at
all concerned about our
proposed hiking trip。 I was surprised that Jacob had told him where we were
going； given the fuss people
were making about the bear sightings。 I wanted to ask Billy not to say
anything about this to Charlie； but I
was afraid that making the request would cause the opposite result。
〃Maybe we'll see the super bear；〃 Jacob joked； eyes on his design。
I glanced at Billy swiftly； fearing a Charlie…style reaction。
But Billy just laughed at his son。 〃Maybe you should take a jar of honey； just
in case。〃
Jake chuckled。 〃Hope your new boots are fast； Bella。 One little jar isn't
going to keep a hungry bear
occupied for long。〃
〃I only have to be faster than you。〃
〃Good luck with that！〃 Jacob said； rolling his eyes as he refolded the map。
〃Let's go。〃
〃Have fun；〃 Billy rumbled； wheeling himself toward the refrigerator。
Charlie was not a hard person to live with； but it looked to me like Jacob had
it even easier than I did。
I drove to the very end of the dirt road； stopping near the sign that marked
the beginning of the trailhead。
It had been a long time since I'd been here； and my stomach reacted nervously。
This might be a very bad
thing。 But it would be worth it； if I got to hear him。
I got out and looked at the dense wall of green。
〃I went this way；〃 I murmured； pointing straight ahead。
〃Hmm；〃 Jake muttered。
〃What？〃
He looked at the direction I'd pointed； then at the clearly marked trail； and
back。
〃I would have figured you for a trail kind of girl。〃
〃Not me。〃 I smiled bleakly。 〃I'm a rebel。〃
He laughed； and then pulled out our map。
〃Give me a second。〃 He held the pass in a skilled way； twisting the map
around till it angled the way
he wanted。
〃Okay—first line on the grid。 Let's do it。〃
I could tell that I was slowing Jacob up； but he didn't plain。 I tried not
to dwell on my last trip through
this part of the forest； with a very different panion。 Normal memories were
still cangerous。 If I let
myself slip up； I'd end up with my arms clutching my chest to hold it
together； gasping for air； and how
would I explain that to Jacob？
It wasn't as hard as I would have thought to keep focused on the present。 The
forest looked a lot like any
other part of the peninsula； and Jacob set a vastly different mood。
He whistled cheerfully； an unfamiliar tune； swinging his arms and moving
easily through the rough
undergrowth。 The shadows didn't seem as dark as usual。 Not with my personal
sun along。
Jacob checked the pass every few minutes； keeping us in a straight line
with one of the radiating
spokes of his grid。 He really looked like he knew what he was doing。 I was
going to pliment him； but
I caught myself。 No doubt he'd add another few years to his inflated age。
My mind wandered as I walked； and I grew curious。 I hadn't forgotten the
conversation we'd had by the
sea cliffs—I'd been waiting for him to bring it up again； but it didn't look
like that was going to happen。
〃Hey Jake？〃 I asked hesitantly。
〃Yeah？〃
〃How are things with Embry？ Is he back to normal yet？〃
Jacob was silent for a minute； still moving forward with long paces。 When he
was about ten feet ahead；
he stopped to wait for me。
〃No。 He's not back to normal；〃 Jacob said when I reached him； his mouth
pulling down at the corners。
He didn't start walking again。 I immediately regretted bringing it up。
〃StillwithSam。〃
〃Yup。〃
He put his arm around my shoulder； and he looked so troubled that I didn't
playfully shake it off； as I
might have otherwise。
〃Are they still looking at you funny？〃 I half…whispered。
Jacob stared through the trees。 〃Sometimes。〃
〃AndBilly？〃
〃As helpful as ever；〃 he said in a sour； angry voice that disturbed me。
〃Our couch is always open；〃 I offered。
He laughed； breaking out of the unnatural gloom。 〃But think of the position
that would put Charlie
in—when Billy calls the police to report my kidnapping。〃
I laughed too； glad to have Jacob back to normal。
We stopped when Jacob said we'd gone six miles； cut west for a short time； and
headed back along
another line of his grid。 Everything looked exactly the same as the way in；
and I had a feeling that my silly
quest was pretty much doomed。 I admitted as much when it started to get
darker； the sunless day fading
toward a starless night； but Jacob was more confident。
〃As long as you're sure we're starting from the right place〃 He glanced down
at me。
〃Yes； I'm sure。〃
〃Then we'll find it；〃 he promised； grabbing my hand and pulling me through a
mass of ferns。 On the other
side was the truck。 He gestured toward it proudly。 〃Trust me。〃
〃You're good；〃 I admitted。 〃Next time we bring flashlights； though。〃
〃We'll save hiking for Sundays from now on。 I didn't know you were that slow。〃
I yanked my hand back and stomped around to the driver's side while he
chuckled at my reaction。
〃So you up for another try tomorrow。'〃 he asked； sliding into the passenger
seat。
〃Sure。 Unless you want to go without me so I don't tie you down to my gimpy
pace。〃
〃I'll survive；〃 he assured me。 〃If we're hiking again； though； you might want
to pick up some moleskin。 I
bet you can feel those new boots right now。〃
〃A little；〃 I confessed。 It felt like I had more blisters than I had space to
fit them。
〃I hope we see the bear tomorrow。 I'm sort of disappointed about that。〃
〃Yes； me； too；〃 I agreed sarcastically。 〃Maybe we'll get lucky tomorrow and
something will eat us！〃
〃Bears don't want to eat people。 We don't taste that good。〃 He grinned at me
in the dark cab。 〃Of
course； you might be an exception。 I bet you'd taste good。〃
〃Thanks so much；〃 I said； looking away。 He wasn't the first person to tell me
that。
9。 THIRD WHEEL
TIME BEGAN TO TRIP ALONG MUCH MORE QUICKLY than before。 School； work； and
Jacob—though not necessarily in that order—created a neat and effortless
pattern to follow。 And Charlie
got his wish： I wasn't miserable anymore。 Of course； I couldn't fool myself
pletely。 When I stopped
to take stock of my life； which I tried not to do too often； I couldn't ignore
the implications of my
behavior。
I was like a lost moon—my planet destroyed in some cataclysmic； disaster…
movie scenario of
desolation—that continued； nevertheless； to circle in a tight little orbit
around the empty space left behind；
ignoring the laws of gravity。
I was getting better with my bike； which meant fewer bandages to worry
Charlie。 But it also meant that
the voice in my head began to fade； until I heard it no more。 Quietly； I
panicked。 I threw myself into the
search for the meadow with slightly frenzied intensity。 I racked my brain for
other adrenaline…producing
activities。
I didn't keep track of the days ：hat passed—there was no reason； as I tried
to live as much in the present
as possible； no past fading； no future impending。 So I was surprised by the
date when Jacob brought it
up on one of our homework days。 He was waiting when I pulled up in front of
his house。
〃Happy Valentine's Day；〃 Jacob said； smiling； but ducking his head as he
greeted me。
He held out a small； pink box； balancing it on his palm。 Conversation hearts。
〃Well； I feel like a schmuck；〃 I mumbled。 〃Is today Valentine's Day？〃
Jacob shook his head with mock