she is unwilling to resign。
DECEMBER 15。 What is the matter with me ， dear Wilhelm ？ I am afraid
of myself ！ Is not my love for her of the purest ， most holy， and most
brotherly nature？ Has my soul ever been sullied by a single sensual desire？
but I will make no protestations。 And now ， ye nightly visions ， how
truly have those mortals understood you ， who ascribe your various contradictory
effects to some invincible power！ This night I tremble at the avowal
—— I held her in my arms， locked in a close embrace： I pressed her
to my bosom ， and covered with countless kisses those dear lips which
murmured in reply soft protestations of love。 My sight became confused
by the delicious intoxication of her eyes。 Heavens！ is it sinful to revel
again in such happiness ， to recall once more those rapturous moments
with intense delight？ Charlotte！ Charlotte！ I am lost！ My senses are
bewildered， my recollection is confused， mine eyes are bathed in tears
—— I am ill ； and yet I am well—— I wish for nothing —— I have
no desires—— it were better I were gone。
Under the circumstances narrated above， a determination to quit this
world had now taken fixed possession of Werther's soul。 Since Charlotte's
return， this thought had been the final object of all his hopes and wishes
； but he had resolved that such a step should not be taken with precipitation，
but with calmness and tranquillity， and with the most perfect deliberation。
His troubles and internal struggles may be understood from the following
fragment， which was found， without any date ， amongst his papers ，
and appears to have formed the beginning of a letter to Wilhelm。
〃Her presence ， her fate ， her sympathy for me， have power still
to extract tears from my withered brain。
〃One lifts up the curtain ， and passes to the other side ，—— that
is all！ And why all these doubts and delays？ Because we know not what
is behind —— because there is no returning—— and because our mind
infers that all is darkness and confusion ， where we have nothing but
uncertainty。〃
His appearance at length became quite altered by the effect of his
melancholy thoughts ； and his resolution was now finally and irrevocably
taken ， of which the following ambiguous letter， which he addressed
to his friend ， may appear to afford some proof。
DECEMBER 2O。 I am grateful to your love ， Wilhelm， for having repeated
your advice so seasonably。 Yes， you are right： it is undoubtedly better
that I should depart。 But I do not entirely approve your scheme of returning
at once to your neighbourhood ； at least ， I should Iike to make a little
excursion on the way， particularly as we may now expect a continued frost，
and consequently good roads。 I am much pleased with your intention of
ing to fetch me； only delay your journey for a fortnight， and wait
for another letter from me。 One should gather nothing before it is ripe，
and a fortnight sooner or later makes a great difference。 Entreat my mother
to pray for her son ， and tell her I beg her pardon for all the unhappiness
I have occasioned her。 It has ever been my fate to give pain to those
whose happiness I should have promoted。 Adieu ， my dearest friend。 May
every blessing of Heaven attend you ！ Farewell。
We find it difficult to express the emotions with which Charlotte's
soul was agitated during the whole of this time ， whether in relation
to her husband or to her unfortunate friend ； although we are enabled，
by our knowledge of her character ， to understand their nature。
It is certain that she had formed a determination ， by every means
in her power to keep Werther at a distance； and， if she hesitated in
her decision， it was from a sincere feeling of friendly pity ， knowing
how much it would cost him， indeed ， that he would find it almost impossible
to ply with her wishes。 But various causes now urged her to be firm。
Her hushand preserved a strict silence about the whole matter ； and she
never made it a subject of conversation ， feeling bound to prove to him
by her conduct that her sentiments agreed with his。
The same day， which was the Sunday before Christmas， after Werther
had written the last…mentioned letter to his friend ， he came in the
evening to Charlotte's house， and found her alone。 She was busy preparing
some little gifts for her brothers and sisters， which were to be distributed
to them on Christmas Day。 He began talking of the delight of the children，
and of that age when the sudden appearance of the Christmas…tree， decorated
with fruit and sweetmeats ， and lighted up with wax candles， causes
such transports of joy。 〃You shall have a gift too， if you behave well
，〃 said Charlotte ， hiding her embarrassment under sweet smile。 〃And
what do you call behaving well？ What should I do ， what can I do， my
dear Charlotte？〃 said he。 〃Thursday night，〃 she answered， 〃is Christmas
Eve。 The children are all to be here， and my father too： there is a
present for each； do you e likewise ， but do not e before that
time。〃 Werther started。 〃I desire you will not： it must be so，〃 she
continued。 〃I ask it of you as a favour ， for my own peace and tranquillity。
We cannot go on in this manner any longer。〃 He turned away his face walked
hastily up and down the room， muttering indistinctly ， 〃We cannot go
on in this manner any longer！〃 Charlotte ， seeing the violent agitation
into which these words had thrown him ， endeavoured to divert his thoughts
by different questions， but in vain。 〃No ， Charlotte！〃 he exclaimed
； 〃I will never see you any more ！〃 〃And why so ？〃 she answered。 〃We
may —— we must see each other again ； only let it be with more discretion。
Oh！ why were you born with that excessive， that ungovernable passion
for everything that is dear to you？〃 Then， taking his hand， she said，
〃I entreat of you to be more calm ： your talents ， your understanding，
your genius ， will furnish you with a thousand resources。 Be a man ，
and conquer an unhappy attachment toward a creature who can do nothing
but pity you。〃 He bit his lips， and looked at her with a gloomy countenance。
She continued to hold his hand。 〃Grant me but a moment's patience ， Werther，
〃 she said。 〃Do you not see that you are deceiving yourself ， that you
are seeking your own destruction？ Why must you love me ， me only， who
belong to another ？ I fear ， I much fear， that it is only the impossibility
of possessing me which makes your desire for me so strong。〃 He drew back
his hand， whilst he surveyed her with a wild and angry look。 〃'Tis well！
〃 he exclaimed， 〃'tis very well！ Did not Albert furnish you with this
reflection？ It is profound ， a very profound remark。〃 〃A reflection
that any one might easily make，〃 she answered； 〃and is there not a woman
in the whole world who is at liberty， and has the power to make you happy？
Conquer yourself： look for such a being， and believe me when I say that
you will certainly find her。 I have long felt for you ， and for us all
： you have confined yourself too long within the limits of too narrow
a circle。 Conquer yourself； make an effort ： a short journey will be
of service to you。 Seek and find an object worthy of your love； then
return hither ， and let us enjoy together all the happiness of the most
perfect friendship。〃
〃This speech，〃 replied Werther with a cold smile ， 〃this speech
should be printed ， for the benefit of all teachers。 My dear Charlotte，
allow me but a short time longer， and all will be well。〃 〃But however，
Werther ，〃 she added ， 〃do not e again before Christmas。〃 He was
about to make some answer ， when Albert came in。 They saluted each other
coldly， and with mutual embarrassment paced up and down the room。 Werther
made some mon remarks； Albert did the same， and their conversation
soon dropped。 Albert asked his wife about some household matters； and，
finding that his missions were not executed， he used some expressions
which ， to Werther's ear ， savoured of extreme harshness。 He wished
to go ， but had not power to move； and in this situation he remained
till eight o'clock， his uneasiness and discontent continually increasing。
At length the cloth was laid for supper ， and he took up his hat and
stick。 Albert invited him to remain ； but Werther， fancying that he
was merely paying a formal pliment ， thanked him coldly ， amd left
the house。
Werther returned home ， took the candle from his servant ， and retired
to his room alone。 He talked for some time with great earnestness to himself，
wept aloud， walked in a state of great excitement through his chamber
； till at length ， without undressing ， he threw himself on the bed，
where he was found by his servant at eleven o'clock ， when the latter
ventured to enter the room， and take off his boots。 Werther did not prevent
him ， but forbade him to e in the morning till he should ring。
On Monday morning ， the 21st of December ， he wrote to Charlotte
the following letter， which was found， sealed ， on his bureau after
his death ， and was given to her。 I shall insert it in fragments ； as
it appears， from several circumstances ， to have been written in that
manner。
〃It is all over ， Charlotte： I am resolved to die ！ I make this
declaration deliberately and coolly ， without any romantic passion ，
on this morning of the day when I am to see you for the last time。 At
the moment you read these lines ， O best of women， the cold grave will
hold the inanimate remains of that restless and unhappy being who ， in
the last moments of his existence ， knew no pleasure so great as that
of conversing with you！ I have passed a dreadful night or rather ， let
me say， a propitious one ； for it has given me resolution ， it has
fixed my purpose。 I am resolved to die。 When I tore myself from you yesterday，
my senses were in tumult and disorder ； my heart was oppressed ， hope
and pleasure had fled from me for ever， and a petrifying cold had seized
my wretched being。 I could scarcely reach my room。 I threw myself on my
knees ； and H