to the veriest stem or smallest blade of grass； and yet I am unable to
express myself： my powers of execution are so weak ， everything seems
to swim and float before me ， so that I cannot make a clear， bold outline。
But I fancy I should succeed better if I had some clay or wax to model。
I shall try ， if this state of mind continues much longer， and will
take to modelling ， if I only knead dough。
I have menced Charlotte's portrait three times ， and have as often
disgraced myself。 This is the more annoying ， as I was formerly very
happy in taking likenesses。 I have since sketched her profile ， and must
content myself with that。
JULY 25。 Yes， dear Charlotte ！ I will order and arrange everything。
Only give me more missions ， the more the better。 One thing ， however，
I must request： use no more writing…sand with the dear notes you send
me。 Today I raised your letter hastily to my lips ， and it set my teeth
on edge。
JULY 26。 I have often determined not to see her so frequently。 But
who could keep such a resolution？ Every day I am exposed to the temptation，
and promise faithfully that to…morrow I will really stay away ： but，
when tomorrow es ， I find some irresistible reason for seeing her
； and， before I can account for it， I am with her again。 Either she
has said on the previous evening 〃You will be sure to call to…morrow，
〃 —— and who could stay away then ？——or she gives me some mission，
and I find it essential to take her the answer in person； or the day
is fine ， and I walk to Walheim； and， when I am there， it is only
half a league farther to her。 I am within the charmed atmosphere， and
soon find myself at her side。 My grandmother used to tell us a story of
a mountain of loadstone。 When any vessels came near it， they were instantly
deprived of their ironwork： the nails flew to the mountain ， and the
unhappy crew perished amidst the disjointed planks。
JULY 30。 Albert is arrived， and I must take my departure。 Were he
the best and noblest of men ， and I in every respect his inferior， I
could not endure to see him in possession of such a perfect being。 Possession！
—— enough ， Wilhelm： her betrothed is here，—— a fine ， worthy
fellow， whom one cannot help liking。 Fortunately I was not present at
their meeting。 It would have broken my heart！ And he is so considerate
： he has not given Charlotte one kiss in my presence。 Heaven reward him
for it！ I must love him for the respect with which he treats her。 He
shows a regard for me ， but for this I suspect I am more indebted to
Charlotte than to his own fancy for me。 Women have a delicate tact in
such matters， and it should be so。 They cannot always succeed in keeping
two rivals on terms with each other ； but， when they do ， they are
the only gainers。
I cannot help esteeming Albert。 The coolness of his temper contrasts
strongly with the impetuosity of mine ， which I cannot conceal。 He has
a great deal of feeling ， and is fully sensible of the treasure he possesses
in Charlotte。 He is free from ill…humour， which you know is the fault
I detest most。
He regards me as a man of sense ； and my attachment to Charlotte ，
and the interest I take in all that concerns her， augment his triumph
and his love。 I shall not inquire whether he may not at times tease her
with some little jealousies ； as I know， that ， were I in his place，
I should not be entirely free from such sensations。
But ， be that as it may， my pleasure with Charlotte is over。 Call
it folly or infatuation ， what signifies a name？ The thing speaks for
itself。 Before Albert came， I knew all that I know now。 I knew I could
make no pretensions to her， nor did I offer any， that is， as far as
it was possible ， in the presence of so much loveliness， not to pant
for its enjoyment。 And now， behold me like a silly fellow， staring with
astonishment when another es in， and deprives me of my love。
I bite my lips， and feel infinite scorn for those who tell me to
be resigned ， because there is no help for it。 Let me escape from the
yoke of such silly subterfuges！ I ramble through the woods ； and when
I return to Charlotte ， and find Albert sitting by her side in the summer…house
in the garden ， I am unable to bear it ， behave like a fool ， and mit
a thousand extravagances。 〃For Heaven's sake，〃 said Charlotte today，
〃let us have no more scenes like those of last night！ You terrify me
when you are so violent。〃 Between ourselves ， I am always away now when
he visits her ： and I feel delighted when I find her alone。
AUGUST 8。 Believe me， dear Wilhelm ， I did not allude to you when
I spoke so severely of those who advise resignation to inevitable fate。
I did not think it possible for you to indulge such a sentiment。 But in
fact you are right。 I only suggest one objection。 In this world one is
seldom reduced to make a selection between two alternatives。 There are
as many varieties of conduct and opinion as there are turns of feature
between an aquiline nose and a flat one。
You will， therefore， permit me to concede your entire argument，
and yet contrive means to escape your dilemma。
Your position is this ， I hear you say ： 〃Either you have hopes
of obtaining Charlotte， or you have none。 Well ， in the first case，
pursue your course， and press on to the fulfilment of your wishes。 In
the second， be a man ， and shake off a miserable passion， which will
enervate and destroy you。〃 My dear friend ， this is well and easily said。
But would you require a wretched being， whose life is slowly wasting
under a lingering disease ， to despatch himself at once by the stroke
of a dagger ？ Does not the very disorder which consumes his strength
deprive him of the courage to effect his deliverance？
You may answer me ， if you please， with a similar analogy ， 〃Who
would not prefer the amputation of an arm to the periling of life by doubt
and procrastination ！〃 But I know not if I am right， and let us leave
these parisons。
Enough！ There are moments， Wilhelm， when I could rise up and shake
it all off， and when ， if I only knew where to go ， I could fly from
this place。
THE SAME EVENING。
My diary， which I have for some time neglected ， came before me
today ； and I am amazed to see how deliberately I have entangled myself
step by step。 To have seen my position so clearly ， and yet to have acted
so like a child ！ Even still I behold the result plainly ， and yet have
no thought of acting with greater prudence。
AUGUST lO。 If I were not a fool ， I could spend the happiest and
most delightful life here。 So many agreeable circumstances， and of a
kind to ensure a worthy man's happiness ， are seldom united。 Alas！ I
feel it too sensibly，—— the heart alone makes our happiness！ To be
admitted into this most charming family ， to be loved by the father as
a son ， by the children as a father， and by Charlotte ！ then the noble
Albert， who never disturbs my happiness by any appearance of ill…humour，
receiving me with the heartiest affection ， and loving me， next to Charlotte，
better than all the world ！ Wilhelm， you would be delighted to hear
us in our rambles ， and conversations about Charlotte。 Nothing in the
world can be more absurd than our connection， and yet the thought of
it often moves me to tears。
He tells me sometimes of her excellent mother ； how， upon her death…bed，
she had mitted her house and children to Charlotte ， and had given
Charlotte herself in charge to him； how， since that time， a new spirit
had taken possession of her ； how， in care and anxiety for their welfare，
she became a real mother to them； how every moment of her time was devoted
to some labour of love in their behalf，—— and yet her mirth and cheerfulness
had never forsaken her。 I walk by his side， pluck flowers by the way ，
arrange them carefully into a nosegay ， then fling them into the first
stream I pass ， and watch them as they float gently away。 I forget whether
I told you that Albert is to remain here。 He has received a government
appointment ， with a very good salary； and I understand he is in high
favour at court。 I have met few persons so punctual and methodical in
business。
AUGUST 12。 Certainly Albert is the best fellow in the world。 I had
a strange scene with him yesterday。 I went to take leave of him ； for
I took it into my head to spend a few days in these mountains ， from
where I now write to you。 As I was walking up and down his room ， my
eye fell upon his pistols。 〃Lend me those pistols ，〃 said I， 〃for my
journey。〃 〃By all means ，〃 he replied， 〃if you will take the trouble
to load them； for they only hang there for form。〃 I took down one of
them； and he continued ， 〃Ever since I was near suffering for my extreme
caution ， I will have nothing to do with such things。〃 I was curious
to hear the story。 〃I was staying ，〃 said he ， 〃some three months ago，
at a friend's house in the country。 I had a brace of pistols with me，
unloaded； and I slept without any anxiety。 One rainy afternoon I was
sitting by myself ， doing nothing， when it occurred to me I do not know
how that the house might be attacked， that we might require the pistols，
that we might in short， you know how we go on fancying ， when we have
nothing better to do。 I gave the pistols to the servant ， to clean and
load。 He was playing with the maid， and trying to frighten her ， when
the pistol went off —— God knows how！—— the ramrod was in the barrel
； and it went straight through her right hand， and shattered the thumb。
I had to endure all the lamentation ， and to pay the surgeon's bill；
so， since that time， I have kept all my weapons unloaded。 But ， my
dear friend ， what is the use of prudence？ We can never be on our guard
against all possible dangers。 However ，〃 —— now， you must know I can
tolerate all men till they e to 〃however ；〃 —— for it is self…evident
that every universal rule must have its exceptions。 But he is so exceedingly
accurate， that ， if he only fancies he has said a word