be begging for you to me。〃
〃You won't have to beg long。〃
The hint of a worn smile tugged at the corner of his mouth。 〃I'm very much counting on that。〃
〃Then we have a deal。〃
He nodded and held out his cold stone hand。
Swallowing my disgust； I reached out to take his hand。 My fingers closed around the rock； and I shook
it once。
〃We have a deal；〃 he agreed。
10。 WHY DIDN'T I JUST WALK AWAY？ OH RIGHT； BECAUSE I'M AN IDIOT。
I felt like—like I don't know what。 Like this wasn't real。 Like I was in some Goth version of a bad
sit。 Instead of being the AA dweeb about to ask the head cheerleader to the prom； I was the
finishedsecondplace werewolf about to ask the vampire's wife to shack up and procreate。 Nice。
No； I wouldn't do it。 It was twisted and wrong。 I was going to forget all about what he'd said。
But I would talk to her。 I'd try to make her listen to me。
And she wouldn't。 Just like always。
Edward didn't answer or ment on my thoughts as he led the way back to the house。 I wondered
about the place that he'd chosen to stop。 Was it far enough from the house that the others couldn't hear
his whispers？ Was that the point？
Maybe。 When we walked through the door； the other Cullens' eyes were suspicious and confused。 No
one looked disgusted or outraged。 So they must not have heard either favor Edward had asked me for。
I hesitated in the open doorway； not sure what to do now。 It was better right there； with a little bit of
breathable air blowing in from outside。
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Edward walked into the middle of the huddle； shoulders stiff。 Bella watched him anxiously； and then her
eyes flickered to me for a second。 Then she was watching him again。
Her face turned a grayish pale； and I could see what he meant about the stress making her feel worse。
〃We're going tolet Jacob and Bella speak privately；〃 Edward said。 There was no inflection at all in his
voice。 Robotic。
〃Over my pile of ashes；〃 Rosalie hissed at him。 She was still hovering by Bella's head； one of her cold
hands placed possessively on Bella's sallow cheek。
Edward didn't look at her。 〃Bella；〃 he said in that same empty tone。 〃Jacob wants to talk to you。 Are you
afraid to
be alone with him？〃
Bella looked at me； confused。 Then she looked at Rosalie。
〃Rose； it's fine。 Jake's not going to hurt us。 Go with Edward。〃
〃It might be a trick；〃 the blonde warned。
〃I don't see how；〃 Bella said。
〃Carlisle and I will always be in your sight； Rosalie；〃 Edward said。 The emotionless voice was cracking；
showing the anger through it。 〃We're the ones she's afraid of。〃
〃No；〃 Bella whispered。 Her eyes were glistening； her lashes wet。 〃No； Edward。 I'm not___〃
He shook his head； smiling a little。 The smile was painful to look at。 〃I didn't mean it that way； Bella。 I'm
fine。 Don't worry about me。〃
Sickening。 He was right—she was beating herself up about hurting his feelings。 The girl was a classic
martyr。 She'd totally been born in the wrong century。 She should have lived back when she could have
gotten herself fed to some lions for a good cause。
〃Everyone；〃 Edward said； his hand stiffly motioning toward the door。 〃Please。〃
The posure he was trying to keep up for Bella was shaky。 I could see how close he was to that
burning man he'd been outside。 The others saw it； too。 Silently； they moved out the door while I shifted
out of the way。 They moved fast； my heart beat twice； and the room was cleared except for Rosalie；
hesitating in the middle of the floor； and Edward； still waiting by the door。
〃Rose；〃 Bella said quietly。 〃I want you to go。〃
The blonde glared at Edward and then gestured for him to go first。 He disappeared out the door。 She
gave me a long warning glower； and then she disappeared； too。
Once we were alone； I crossed the room and sat on the floor next to Bella。 I took both her cold hands
in mine； rubbing them carefully。
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〃Thanks； Jake。 That feels good。〃
〃I'm not going to lie； Bells。 You're hideous。〃
〃I know；〃 she sighed。 Tm scarylooking。〃
〃Thingfromtheswamp scary；〃 I agreed。
She laughed。 〃It's so good having you here。 It feels nice to smile。 I don't know how much more drama I
can stand。〃
I rolled my eyes。
〃Okay； okay；〃 she agreed。 〃I bring it on myself。〃
〃Yeah； you do。 What're you thinking； Bells？ Seriously！〃
〃Did he ask you to yell at me？〃
〃Sort of。 Though I can't figure why he thinks you'd listen to me。 You never have before。〃
She sighed。
〃I told you—；〃 I started to say。
〃Did you know that 7 told you so' has a brother； Jacob？〃 she asked； cutting me off。 〃His name is 'Shut
the hell up。〃
〃Good one。〃
She grinned at me。 Her skin stretched tight over the bones。 〃I can't take credit—i got it off a rerun of
The Simpsons〃
〃Missed that one。〃
〃It was funny。〃
We didn't talk for a minute。 Her hands were starting to warm up a little。
〃Did he really ask you to talk to me？〃
I nodded。 〃To talk some sense into you。 There's a battle that's lost before it starts。〃
〃So why did you agree？〃
I didn't answer。 I wasn't sure I knew。
I did know this—every second I spent with her was only going to add to the pain I would have to suffer
later。 Like a junkie with a limited supply； the day of reckoning was ing for me。 The more hits I took
now； the harder it would be when my supply ran out。
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〃It'll work out； you know；〃 she said after a quiet minute。 〃I believe that。〃
That made me see red again。 〃Is dementia one of your symptoms？〃 I snapped。
She laughed； though my anger was so real that my hands were shaking around hers。
〃Maybe；〃 she said。 Tm not saying things will work out easily； Jake。 But how could I have lived through
all that I've lived through and not believe in magic by this point？〃
〃Magic？〃
〃Especially for you；〃 she said。 She was smiling。 She pulled one of her hands away from mine and
pressed it against my cheek。 Warmer than before； but it felt cool against my skin； like most things did。
〃More than anyone else； you've got some magic waiting to make things right for you。〃
〃What are you babbling about？〃
Still smiling。 〃Edward told me once what it was like—your imprinting thing。 He said it was like A
Midsummer Night's Dream； like magic。 You'll find who you're really looking for； Jacob； and maybe
then all of this will make sense。〃
If she hadn't looked so fragile I would've been screaming。
As it was； I did growl at her。
〃If you think that imprinting could ever make sense of this insanity 。。。〃 I struggled for words。 〃Do you
really think that just because I might someday imprint on some stranger it would make this right？〃 I
jabbed a finger toward her swollen body。 〃Tell me what the point was then； Bella！ What was the point of
me loving you？ What was the point of you loving him？ When you die〃—the words were a snarl—〃how
is that ever right again？ What's the point to all the pain？ Mine； yours； his！ You'll kill him； too； not that I
care about that。〃 She flinched； but I kept going。 〃So what was the
point of your twisted love story； in the end？ If there is any sense； please show me； Bella； because I don't
see it。〃
She sighed。 〃I don't know yet； Jake。 But I just。。。 feel。。。 that this is all going somewhere good； hard to see
as it is now。 I guess you could call it faith。〃
〃You're dying for nothing； Bella！ Nothing！〃
Her hand dropped from my face to her bloated stomach； caressed it。 She didn't have to say the words
for me to know what she was thinking。 She was dying for it。
I'm not going to die；〃 she said through her teeth； and I could tell she was repeating things she'd said
before。 〃I will keep my heart beating。 I'm strong enough for that。〃
〃That's a load of crap； Bella。 You've been trying to keep up with the supernatural for too long。 No
normal person can do it。 You're not strong enough。〃 I took her face in my hand。 I didn't have to remind
myself to be gentle。 Everything about her screamed breakable。
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〃I can do this。 I can do this；〃 she muttered； sounding a lot like that kids' book about the little engine that
could。
〃Doesn't look like it to me。 So what's your plan？ I hope you have one。〃
She nodded； not meeting my eyes。 〃Did you know Esme jumped off a cliff？ When she was human； I
mean。〃
〃So？〃
〃So she was close enough to dead that they didn't even bother taking her to the emergency room—they
took her right around to the morgue。 Her heart was still beating； though； when Carlisle found her___〃
That's what she'd meant before； about keeping her heart beating。
〃You're not planning on surviving this human；〃 I stated dully。
〃No。 I'm not stupid。〃 She met my stare then。 〃I guess you probably have your own opinion on that point；
though。〃
〃Emergency vampirization；〃 I mumbled。
〃It worked for Esme。 And Emmett； and Rosalie； and even Edward。 None of them were in such great
shape。 Carlisle only changed them because it was that or death。 He doesn't end lives； he saves them。〃
I felt a sudden twinge of guilt about the good vampire doctor； like before。 I shoved the thought away and
started in on the begging。
〃Listen to me； Bells。 Don't do it that way。〃 Like before； when the call from Charlie had e； I could
see how much difference it really made to me。 I realized I needed her to stay alive； in some form。 In any
form。 I took a deep breath。 〃Don't wait until it's too late； Bella。 Not that way。 Live。 Okay？ Just live。
Don't do this to me。 Don't do it to him。〃 My voice got harder； louder。 〃You know what he's going to do
when you die。 You've seen it before。 You want him to go back to those Italian killers？〃 She cringed into
the sofa。
I left out the part about how that wouldn't be necessary this time。
Struggling to make my voice softer； I asked； 〃Remember when I got ma