4 breaking dawn破晓- 第5部分

〃Never　changing。。。　never　moving　forward。〃　

〃What　does　that　mean？〃　

He　answered　slowly。　〃Do　you　remember　when　we　told　Charlie　we　were　getting　married？　And　he　
thought　you　were。。。　pregnant？〃　

〃And　he　thought　about　shooting　you；〃　I　guessed　with　a　laugh。　〃Admit　it—for　one　second；　he　honestly　
considered　it。〃　

He　didn't　answer。　

〃What；　Edward？〃　



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〃I　just　wish。。。　well；　I　wish　that　he'd　been　right。〃　

〃Gah；〃　I　gasped。　

〃More　that　there　was　some　way　he　could　have　been。　That　we　had　that　kind　of　potential。　I　hate　taking　
that　away　from　you；　too。〃　

It　took　me　a　minute。　〃I　know　what　I'm　doinq。〃　

〃How　could　you　know　that；　Bella？　Look　at　my　mother；　look　at　my　sister。　It's　not　as　easy　a　sacrifice　as　
youimagine。〃　

〃Esme　and　Rosalie　get　by　just　fine。　If　it's　a　problem　later；　we　can　do　what　Esme　did—we'll　adopt。〃　

He　sighed；　and　then　his　voice　was　fierce。　〃It's　not　right　I　don't　want　you　to　have　to　make　sacrifices　for　
me。　I　want　to　give　you　things；　not　take　things　away　from　you。　I　don't　want　to　steal　your　future。　If　I　were　
human—〃　

I　put　my　hand　over　his　lips。　〃You　are　my　future。　Now　stop。　No　moping；　or　I'm　calling　your　brothers　to　
e　and　get　you。　Maybe　you　need　a　bachelor　party。〃　

〃I'm　sorry。　I　am　moping；　aren't　I？　Must　be　the　nerves。〃　

〃Are　your　feet　cold？〃　

〃Not　in　that　sense。　I've　been　waiting　a　century　to　marry　you；　Miss　Swan。　The　wedding　ceremony　is　the　
one　thing　I　can't　wait—〃　He　broke　off　midthought。　〃Oh；　for　the　love　of　all　that's　holy！〃　

〃What's　wrong？〃　

He　gritted　his　teeth。　〃You　don't　have　to　call　my　brothers。　Apparently　Emmett　and　Jasper　are　not　going　to　
let　me　bow　out　tonight。〃　

I　clutched　him　closer　for　one　second　and　then　released　him。　I　didn't　have　a　prayer　of　winning　a　
tugofwar　with　Emmett。　〃Have　fun。〃　

There　was　a　squeal　against　the　window—someone　deliberately　scraping　their　steel　nails　across　the　glass　
to　make　a　horrible；　coveryourears；　goosebumpsdownyourspine　noise。　I　shuddered。　

〃If　you　don't　send　Edward　out；〃　Emmett—still　invisible　in　the　night—hissed　menacingly；　〃we're　ing　in　
after　him！〃　

〃Go；〃　I　laughed。　〃Before　they　break　my　house。〃　

Edward　rolled　his　eyes；　but　he　got　to　his　feet　in　one　fluid　movement　and　had　his　shirt　back　on　in　another。　
He　leaned　down　and　kissed　my　forehead。　

〃Get　to　sleep。　You've　got　a　big　day　tomorrow。〃　

〃Thanks！　That's　sure　to　help　me　wind　down。〃　



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〃I'll　meet　you　at　the　altar。〃　

〃HI　be　the　one　in　white。〃　I　smiled　at　how　perfectly　blase　I　sounded。　

He　chuckled；　said；　〃Very　convincing；〃　and　then　suddenly　sank　into　a　crouch；　his　muscles　coiled　like　a　
spring。　He　vanished—launching　himself　out　my　window　too　swiftly　for　my　eyes　to　follow。　

Outside；　there　was　a　muted　thud；　and　I　heard　Emmett　curse。　

〃You'd　better　not　make　him　late；〃　I　murmured；　knowing　they　could　hear。　

And　then　Jaspers　face　was　peering　in　my　window；　his　honey　hair　silver　in　the　weak　moonlight　that　
worked　through　the　clouds。　

〃Don't　worry；　Bella。　We'll　get　him　home　in　plenty　of　time。〃　

I　was　suddenly　very　calm；　and　my　qualms　all　seemed　unimportant。　Jasper　was；　in　his　own　way；　just　as　
talented　

as　Alice　with　her　uncannily　accurate　predictions。　Jasper's　medium　was　moods　rather　than　the　future；　and　
it　was　impossible　to　resist　feeling　the　way　he　wanted　you　to　feel。　

I　sat　up　awkwardly；　still　tangled　in　my　blanket。　〃Jasper？　What　do　vampires　do　for　bachelor　parties？　
You're　not　taking　him　to　a　strip　club；　are　you？〃　

〃Don't　tell　her　anything！〃　Emmett　growled　from　below。　There　was　another　thud；　and　Edward　laughed　
quietly。　

〃Relax；〃　Jasper　told　me—and　I　did。　〃We　Cullens　have　our　own　version。　Just　a　few　mountain　lions；　a　
couple　of　grizzly　bears。　Pretty　much　an　ordinary　night　out。〃　

I　wondered　if　I　would　ever　be　able　to　sound　so　cavalier　about　the　〃vegetarian〃　vampire　diet。　

〃Thanks；　Jasper。〃　

He　winked　and　dropped　from　sight。　

It　was　pletely　silent　outside。　Charlie's　muffled　snores　droned　through　the　walls。　

I　lay　back　against　my　pillow；　sleepy　now。　I　stared　at　the　walls　of　my　little　room；　bleached　pale　in　the　
moonlight；　from　under　heavy　lids。　

My　last　night　in　my　room。　My　last　night　as　Isabella　Swan。　Tomorrow　night；　I　would　be　Bella　Cullen。　
Though　the　whole　marriage　ordeal　was　a　thorn　in　my　side；　I　had　to　admit　that　I　liked　the　sound　of　that。　

I　let　my　mind　wander　idly　for　a　moment；　expecting　sleep　to　take　me。　But；　after　a　few　minutes；　I　found　
myself　more　alert；　anxiety　creeping　back　into　my　stomach；　twisting　it　into　unfortable　positions。　The　
bed　seemed　too　soft；　too　warm　without　Edward　in　it。　Jasper　was　far　away；　and　all　the　peaceful；　relaxed　
feelings　were　gone　with　him。　




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It　was　going　to　be　a　very　long　day　tomorrow。　

I　was　aware　that　most　of　my　fears　were　stupid—I　just　had　to　get　over　myself。　Attention　was　an　
inevitable　part　of　life。　I　couldn't　always　blend　in　with　the　scenery。　However；　I　did　have　a　few　specific　
worries　that　were　pletely　valid。　

First　there　was　the　wedding　dress's　train。　Alice　clearly　had　let　her　artistic　sense　overpower　practicalities　
on　that　one。　Maneuvering　the　Cullens'　staircase　in　heels　and　a　train　sounded　impossible。　I　should　have　
practiced。　

Then　there　was　the　guest　list。　

Tanya's　family；　the　Denali　clan；　would　be　arriving　sometime　before　the　ceremony。　

It　would　be　touchy　to　have　Tanya's　family　in　the　same　room　with　our　guests　from　the　Quileute　
reservation；　Jacob's　father　and　the　Clearwaters。　The　Denalis　were　no　fans　of　the　werewolves。　In　fact；　
Tanya's　sister　irina　was　not　ing　to　the　wedding　at　all。　She　still　nursed　a　vendetta　against　the　
werewolves　for　killing　her　friend　Laurent　（just　as　he　was　about　to　kill　me）。　Thanks　to　that　grudge；　the　
Denalis　had　abandoned　Edward's　family　in　their　worst　hour　of　need。　It　had　been　the　unlikely　alliance　with　
the　Quileute　wolves　that　had　saved　all　our　lives　when　the　horde　of　newborn　vampires　had　attacked___　

Edward　had　promised　me　it　wouldn't　be　dangerous　to　have　the　Denalis　near　the　Quileutes。　Tanya　and　all　
herfamily—besides　Irina—felt　horribly　guilty　for　that　defection。　A　truce　with　the　werewolves　was　a　small　
price　to　make　up　some　of　that　debt；　a　price　they　were　prepared　to　pay。　

That　was　the　big　problem；　but　there　was　a　small　problem；　too：　my　fragile　selfesteem。　

I'd　never　seen　Tanya　before；　but　I　was　sure　that　meeting　her　wouldn't　be　a　pleasant　experience　for　my　
ego。　Once　upon　a　time；　before　I　was　born　probably；　she'd　made　her　play　for　Edward—not　that　I　blamed　
her　or　anyone　else　for　wanting　him。　Still；　she　would　be　beautiful　at　the　very　least　and　magnificent　at　best。　
Though　Edward　clearly—if　inconceivably—preferred　me；　I　wouldn't　be　able　to　help　making　
parisons。　

I　had　grumbled　a　little　until　Edward；　who　knew　my　weaknesses；　made　me　feel　guilty。　

〃We're　the　closest　thing　they　have　to　family；　Bella；'7he'd　reminded　me。　〃They　still　feel　like　orphans；　you　
know；　even　after　all　this　time。〃　

So　I'd　conceded；　hiding　my　frown。　

Tanya　had　a　big　family　now；　almost　as　big　as　the　Cullens。　There　were　five　of　them；　Tanya；　Kate；　and　
Irina　had　been　joined　by　Carmen　and　Eleazar　much　the　same　way　the　Cullens　had　been　joined　by　Alice　
and　Jasper；　all　of　them　bonded　by　their　desire　to　live　more　passionately　than　normal　vampires　did。　

For　all　the　pany；　though；　Tanya　and　her　sisters　were　still　alone　in　one　way。　Still　in　mourning。　Because　
a　very　long　time　ago；　they'd　had　a　mother；　too。　

I　could　imagine　the　hole　that　loss　would　leave；　even　after　a　thousand　years；　I　tried　to　visualize　the　Cullen　
family　without　their　creator；　their　center；　and　their　guide—their　father；　Carlisle。　I　couldn't　see　it。　

Carlisle　had　explained　Tanya's　history　during　one　of　the　many　nights　I'd　stayed　late　at　the　Cullens'　home；　



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learning　as　much　as　I　could；　preparing　as　much　as　was　possible　for　the　future　I'd　chosen。　Tanya's　
mother's　story　was　one　among　many；　a　cautionary　tale　illustrating　just　one　of　the　rules　I　would　need　to　be　
aware　of　when　I　joined　the　immortal　world。　Only　one　rule；　actually—one　law　that　broke　down　into　a　
thousand　different　facets：　Keep　the　secret。　

Keeping　the　secret　meant　a　lot　of　things—living　inconspicuously　like　the　Cullens；　moving　on　before　
humans　could　suspect　they　weren't　aging。　Or　keeping　clear　of　humans　altogether—except　at　
mealtime—the　way　nomads　like　James　and　Victoria　had　lived；　the　way　Jasper's　friends；　Peter　and　
Charlotte；　still　lived。　It　meant　keeping　control　of　whatever　new　vampires　you　created；　like　Jasper　had　
done　when　he'd　lived　with　Maria。　Like　Victoria　had　failed　to　do　with　her　newborns。　

And　it　meant　not　creating　some　things　in　the　first　place；　because　some　creations　were　uncontrollable。　

〃I　don't　know　Tanya's　mother's　name；〃　Carlisle　had　admitted；　his　golden　eyes；　almost　the　exact　shade　of　
his　fair　hair；　sad　with　remembering　Tanya's　pain。　〃They　never　speak　of　her　if　they　can　avoid　it；　never　think　
ofherwillingly。　

〃The　woman　who　created　Tanya；　Kate；　and　Irina—who　loved　them；　I　believe—lived　many　years　before　
I　was　born；　during　a　time　of　plague　in　our　world；　the　plague　of　the　immortal　children。　

〃What　they　were　thinking；　those　ancient　ones；　I　can't　begin　to　understand。　They　created　vampires　out　of　
humans　who　were　barely　more　than　infants。〃　

I'd　had　to　swallow　back　the　bile　that　rose　in　my　throat　as　I'd　pictured　what　he　was　describing。　

〃They　were　very　beautiful；〃　Carlisle　had　explained　quickly；　seeing　my　reaction。　〃So　endearing；　so　
enchanting；　you　can't　imagine。　You　had　but　to　be　near　them　to　love　them；　it　was　an　automatic　thing。　

〃However；　they　could　not　be　taught。　They　were　frozen　at　whatever　level　of　development　they'd　achieved　
before　

being　bitten。　Adorable　twoyearolds　with　dimples　and　lisps　that　could　destroy　half　a　village　in　one　of　
their　tantrums。　If　they　hungered；　they　fed；　and　no　words　of　warn