2 new+moon新月- 第14部分

〃I　don't　know；〃　I　said。　〃A　while。〃　

〃You　like　this？〃　she　asked　doubtfully。　

〃Sure。〃　

It　would　be　much　too　hard　to　interact　with　Jessica　normally　if　I　had　to　work　to　tune　out　the　music；　too。　I　
nodded　my　head；　hoping　I　was　in　time　with　the　beat。　

〃Okay…〃　She　stared　out　the　windshield　with　wide　eyes。　

〃So　what's　up　with　you　and　Mike　these　days？〃　I　asked　quickly。　

〃You　see　him　more　than　I　do。〃　

The　question　hadn't　started　her　talking　like　I'd　hoped　it　would。　

〃It's　hard　to　talk　at　work；〃　I　mumbled；　and　then　I　tried　again。　〃Have　you　been　out　with　anyone　lately？〃　

〃Not　really。　I　go　out　with　Conner　sometimes。　I　went　out　with　Eric　two　weeks　ago。〃　She　rolled　her　eyes；　
and　I　sensed　a　long　story。　I　clutched　at　the　opportunity。　

〃Eric　Yorkie？　Who　asked　who？〃　

She　groaned；　getting　more　animated。　〃He　did；　of　course！　I　couldn't　think　of　a　nice　way　to　say　no。〃　

〃Where　did　he　take　you？〃　I　demanded；　knowing　she　would　interpret　my　eagerness　as　interest。　〃Tell　me　
all　about　it。〃　

She　launched　into　her　tale；　and　I　settled　into　my　seat；　more　fortable　now。　I　paid　strict　attention；　

murmuring　in　sympathy　and　gasping　in　horror　as　called　for。　When　she　was　finished　with　her　Eric　story；　
she　continued　into　a　Conner　parison　without　any　prodding。　

The　movie　was　playing　early；　so　Jess　thought　we　should　hit　the　twilight　showing　and　eat　later。　I　was　
happy　to　go　along　with　whatever　she　wanted；　after　all；　I　was　getting　what　I　wanted—Charlie　off　my　
back。　

I　kept　Jess　talking　through　the　previews；　so　I　could　ignore　them　more　easily。　But　I　got　nervous　when　the　
movie　started。　A　young　couple　was　walking　along　a　beach；　swinging　hands　and　discussing　their　mutual　
affection　with　gooey　falseness。　I　resisted　the　urge　to　cover　my　ears　and　start　humming。　I　had　not　
bargained　for　a　romance。　

〃I　thought　we　picked　the　zombie　movie；〃　I　hissed　to　Jessica。　

〃This　is　the　zombie　movie。〃　

〃Then　why　isn't　anyone　getting　eaten？〃　I　asked　desperately。　

She　looked　at　me　with　wide　eyes　that　were　almost　alarmed。　〃I'm　sure　that　part's　ing；〃　she　whispered。　

〃I'm　getting　popcorn。　Do　you　want　any？〃　

〃No；　thanks。〃　

Someone　shushed　us　from　behind。　

I　took　my　time　at　the　concession　counter；　watching　the　clock　and　debating　what　percentage　of　a　
niyminute　movie　could　be　spent　on　romantic　exposition。　I　decided　ten　minutes　was　more　than　enough；　
but　I　paused　just　inside　the　theater　doors　to　be　sure。　I　could　hear　horrified　screams　blaring　from　the　
speakers；　so　I　knew　I'd　waited　long　enough。　

〃You　missed　everything；〃　Jess　murmured　when　I　slid　back　into　my　seat。　〃Almost　everyone　is　a　zombie　
now。〃　

〃Long　line。〃　I　offered　her　some　popcorn。　She　took　a　handful。　

The　rest　of　the　movie　was　prised　of　gruesome　zombie　attacks　and　endless　screaming　from　the　
handful　of　people　left　alive；　their　numbers　dwindling　quickly。　I　would　have　thought　there　was　nothing　in　
that　to　disturb　me。　But　I　felt　uneasy；　and　I　wasn't　sure　why　at　first。　

It　wasn't　until　almost　the　very　end；　as　I　watched　a　haggard　zombie　shambling　after　the　last　shrieking　
survivor；　that　I　realized　what　the　problem　was。　The　scene　kept　cutting　between　the　horrified　face　of　the　
heroine；　and　the　dead；　emotionless　face　of　her　pursuer；　back　and　forth　as　it　closed　the　distance。　

And　I　realized　which　one　resembled　me　the　most。　

I　stood　up。　

〃Where　are　you　going？　There's；　like；　two　minutes　left；〃　Jess　hissed。　

〃I　need　a　drink；〃　I　muttered　as　I　raced　for　the　exit。　

I　sat　down　on　the　bench　outside　the　theater　door　and　tried　very　hard　not　to　think　of　the　irony。　But　it　was　
ironic；　all　things　considered；　that；　in　the　end；　I　would　wind　up　as　a　zombie。　I　hadn't　seen　that　one　ing。　

Not　that　I　hadn't　dreamed　of　being　a　mythical　monster　once—just　never　a　grotesque；　animated　
corpse。　I　shook　my　head　to　dislodge　that　train　of　thought；　feeling　panicky。　I　couldn't　afford　to　think　about　
what　I'd　once　dreamed　of。　

It　was　depressing　to　realize　that　I　wasn't　the　heroine　anymore；　that　my　story　was　over。　

Jessica　came　out　of　the　theater　doors　and　hesitated；　probably　wondering　where　the　best　place　was　to　
search　for　me。　When　she　saw　me；　she　looked　relieved；　but　only　for　a　moment。　Then　she　looked　irritated。　

〃Was　the　movie　too　scary　for　you？〃　she　wondered。　

〃Yeah；〃　I　agreed。　〃I　guess　I'm　just　a　coward。〃　

〃That's　funny。〃　She　frowned。　〃I　didn't　think　you　were　scared—I　was　screaming　all　the　time；　but　I　didn't　
hear　you　scream　once。　So　I　didn't　know　why　you　left。〃　

I　shrugged。　〃Just　scared。〃　

She　relaxed　a　little。　〃That　was　the　scariest　movie　I　think　I've　ever　seen。　I'll　bet　we're　going　to　have　
nightmares　tonight。〃　

〃No　doubt　about　that；〃　I　said；　trying　to　keep　my　voice　normal。　It　was　inevitable　that　I　would　have　
nightmares；　but　they　wouldn't　be　about　zombies。　Her　eyes　flashed　to　my　face　and　away。　Maybe　I　hadn't　
succeeded　with　the　normal　voice。　

〃Where　do　you　want　to　eat？〃　Jess　asked。　

〃I　don't　care。〃　

〃Okay。〃　

Jess　started　talking　about　the　male　lead　in　the　movie　as　we　walked。　I　nodded　as　she　gushed　over　his　
hotness；　unable　to　remember　seeing　a　nonzombie　man　at　all。　

I　didn't　watch　where　Jessica　was　leading　me。　I　was　only　vaguely　aware　that　it　was　dark　and　quieter　now。　
It　took　me　longer　than　it　should　have　to　realize　why　it　was　quiet。　Jessica　had　stopped　babbling。　I　looked　
at　her　apologetically；　hoping　I　hadn't　hurt　her　feelings。　

Jessica　wasn't　looking　at　me。　Her　face　was　tense；　she　stared　straight　ahead　and　walked　fast。　As　I　
watched；　her　eyes　darted　quickly　to　the　right；　across　the　road；　and　back　again。　

I　glanced　around　myself　for　the　first　time。　

We　were　on　a　short　stretch　of　unlit　sidewalk。　The　little　shops　lining　the　street　were　all　locked　up　for　the　
night；　windows　black。　Half　a　block　ahead；　the　streetlights　started　up　again；　and　I　could　see；　farther　down；　
the　bright　golden　arches　of　the　McDonald's　she　was　heading　for。　

Across　the　street　there　was　one　open　business。　The　windows　were　covered　from　inside　and　there　were　
neon　signs；　advertisements　for　different　brands　of　beer；　glowing　in　front　of　them。　The　biggest　sign；　in　
brilliant　green；　was　the　name　of　the　bar—OneEyed　Pete's。　I　wondered　if　there　was　some　pirate　theme　
not　visible　from　outside。　The　metal　door　was　propped　open；　it　was　dimly　lit　inside；　and　the　low　murmur　
of　many　voices　and　the　sound　of　ice　clinking　in　glasses　floated　across　the　street。　Lounging　against　the　wall　
beside　the　door　were　four　men。　

I　glanced　back　at　Jessica。　Her　eyes　were　fixed　on　the　path　ahead　and　she　moved　briskly。　She　didn't　look　

frightened—just　wary；　trying　to　not　attract　attention　to　herself。　

I　paused　without　thinking；　looking　back　at　the　four　men　with　a　strong　sense　of　déjà　vu。　This　was　a　
different　road；　a　different　night；　but　the　scene　was　so　much　the　same。　One　of　them　was　even　short　and　
dark。　As　I　stopped　and　turned　toward　them；　that　one　looked　up　in　interest。　

I　stared　back　at　him；　frozen　on　the　sidewalk。　

〃Bella？〃　Jess　whispered。　〃What　are　you　doing？〃　

I　shook　my　head；　not　sure　myself。　〃I　think　I　know　them…〃　I　muttered。　

What　was　I　doing？　I　should　be　running　from　this　memory　as　fast　as　I　could；　blocking　the　image　of　the　
four　lounging　men　from　my　mind；　protecting　myself　with　the　numbness　I　couldn't　function　without。　Why　
was　I　stepping；　dazed；　into　the　street？　

It　seemed　too　coincidental　that　I　should　be　in　Port　Angeles　with　Jessica；　on　a　dark　street　even。　My　eyes　
focused　on　the　short　one；　trying　to　match　the　features　to　my　memory　of　the　man　who　had　threatened　me　
that　night　almost　a　year　ago。　I　wondered　if　there　was　any　way　I　would　recognize　the　man；　if　it　was　really　
him。　That　particular　part　of　that　particular　evening　was　just　a　blur。　My　body　remembered　it　better　than　my　
mind　did；　the　tension　in　my　legs　as　I　tried　to　decide　whether　to　run　or　to　stand　my　ground；　the　dryness　in　
my　throat　as　I　struggled　to　build　a　decent　scream；　the　tight　stretch　of　skin　across　my　knuckles　as　I　
clenched　my　hands　into　fists；　the　chills　on　the　back　of　my　neck　when　the　darkhaired　man　called　me　
〃sugar。〃…　

There　was　an　indefinite；　implied　kind　of　menace　to　these　men　that　had　nothing　to　do　with　that　other　night。　
It　sprung　from　the　fact　that　they　were　strangers；　and　it　was　dark　here；　and　they　outnumbered　us—nothing　
more　specific　than　that。　But　it　was　enough　that　Jessica's　voice　cracked　in　panic　as　she　called　after　me。　

〃Bella；　e　on！〃　

I　ignored　her；　walking　slowly　forward　without　ever　making　the　conscious　decision　to　move　my　feet。　I　
didn't　understand　why；　but　the　nebulous　threat　the　men　presented　drew　me　toward　them。　It　was　a　
senseless　impulse；　but　I　hadn't　felt　any　kind　of　impulse　in　so　long…　I　followed　it。　

Something　unfamiliar　beat　through　my　veins。　Adrenaline；　I　realized；　long　absent　from　my　system；　
drumming　my　pulse　faster　and　fighting　against　the　lack　of　sensation。　It　was　strange—why　the　adrenaline　
when　there　was　no　fear？　It　was　almost　as　if　it　were　an　echo　of　the　last　time　I'd　stood　like　this；　on　a　dark　
street　in　Port　Angeles　with　strangers。　

I　saw　no　reason　for　fear。　I　couldn't　imagine　anything　in　the　world　that　there　was　left　to　be　afraid　of；　not　
physically　at　least。　One　of　the　few　advantages　of　losing　everything。　

I　was　halfway　across　the　street　when　Jess　caught　up　to　me　and　grabbed　my　arm。　

〃Bella！　You　can't　go　in　a　bar！〃　she　hissed。　

〃I'm　not　going　in；〃　I　said　absently；　shaking　her　hand　off。　〃I　just　want　to　see　something…〃　

〃Are　you　crazy？〃　she　whispered。　〃Are　you　suicidal？〃　

That　question　caught　my　attention；　and　my　eyes　focused　on　her。　

〃No；　I'm　not。〃　My　voice　sounded　defensive；　but　it　was　true。　I　wasn't　suicidal。　Even　in　the　beginning；　when　

death　unquestionably　would　have　been　a　relief；　I　didn't　consider　it。　I　owed　too　much　to　Charlie。　I　felt　too　
responsible　for　Renee。　I　had　to　think　of　them。　

And　I'd　made　a　promise　not　to　do　anything　stupid　or　reckless。　For　all　those　reasons；　I　was　still　breathing。　

Remembering　that　promise。　I　felt　a　twinge　of　guilt。　

but　what　I　was　doing　fight　now　didn't　really　count。　It　wasn't　like　I　was　taking　a　blade　to　my　wrists。　

Jess's　eyes　were　round；　her　mouth　hung　open。　Her　question　about　suicide　had　be